Improving Your Social Life - Part Four

Developing Strong Social Ties in Your Family

Families develop their own micro-culture. This culture is a mixture of the morals, values, and practices the family has. Families tend to hold similar beliefs and one generation typically influences the next on important topics. As parents, if your typical idea of a great Friday night is to stay home and order pizza, that will likely become the standard for your entire family.

Families who embrace a healthy social life produce well-adjusted children who are comfortable being social and enjoy engaging outside of their family for fun. As a parent, your influence makes a big difference on how much and how comfortable your family is being social.

Being social starts young

Being social and having great social skills starts young. Taking your children with you when you shop, eat out, and do things in the community helps them see being in the car, engaging with others, and being on the go as common. The better your attitude about taking children out and about, the easier it is for everyone.

Being social includes extracurricular activities

Families who enroll their children in extracurricular activities make it possible for their children to learn directly and passively how to be social. Teachers, coaches, peers, and other adults all have an influence and impact on the social lives of children- both positively and negatively. Nonetheless, being part of a group setting helps children learn to be better listeners, teammates, and community members.

Being social includes cutting the cord

It can be hard, but part of fostering strong social ties includes allowing children to participate in social activities on their own. Age-appropriate activities for children help them develop socially and experience their own preferences whether that be group settings of more one-to-one experiences. Sometimes well-meaning parents can stifle a childís social growth by hovering or not allowing their children to explore socially.

Being social includes others

Encouraging your children to develop friendships and helping them have access to their friends in and out of your home matters. Encouraging friendship as primary support helps your child develop healthy ties to people outside of their family. This is vital when children leave home as young adults.

Creating strong social ties is an important part of raising a child. Being a model for healthy social activity and encouraging your children to be active and social helps them get along well and do better throughout life. Help your children be social and encourage them to enjoy a healthy social life.

Nature vs Nurture- How You Are and What You Experience Guides Your Social Life

Throughout the course of the last twenty days or so, we have discovered that a healthy social life is possible at any age. We know now that our personality plays a large role in what our preferences are for socializing. Weíve also learned how important it is for our health to be socially active.

It's a great time to remember two key things that influence our social lives-

Our natural tendencies

AND

How those tendencies were nurtured

We are a combo pack of our natural personalities and everything that happens to us. We are born with a certain innate way of being and from there our circumstances enhance or diminish those innate traits. Letís look at some examples-

An introvert who has consistently positive social experiences can develop an extroverted communication style. That means that someone who enjoys being alone and may, under some situations, come across as shy or aloof could override their natural tendencies and appear to be very outgoing. In this case, the consistent social exposure- despite being introverted and needing alone time to recharge, an introvert may be able to be highly social because of the positive experiences they have had.

Extroverts are born to shine and be social butterflies. What happens when an extrovert has a series of negative social experiences? It could result in more timid or passive behavior. In this case, the natural tendency to be socially active and engaged is interrupted and replaced with social anxiety and a diminished desire to be social. This can lead to depression or other mental health issues since the need to socialize isnít met in a healthy way. The extrovert might be avoiding social activities to protect their wounded psyche but need a social connection to feel better.

All of this is to say that our experiences throughout life impact our natural tendencies and can amplify or diminish them. If youíre seeking to create a happier, healthier social life itís important to look at how the nurtureÖor lack of it, influences your personality.

If you find that your personality and your social life arenít jiving, itís time to take some action. Here are some thoughts-

Talk to someone- If you are struggling socially, you might need a fresh perspective. Talk to someone you trust or a coach or therapist to help you sort through where the nurture part of your life is colliding with nature.

Make changes- Nothing in life is permanent. If you are unhappy with your social life and you realize youíre being impacted by the experiences youíve had in the past, make changes. If youíve had bad experiences, do what you need to do to move past them. If youíve had great experiences but still donít thoroughly enjoy your social life, make changes to customize your social life and feel even better.

Your natural way of being is greatly influenced by what happens around you. Surely there have been some impactful experiences that either made you feel more like yourself or less. Sort them out and see how they influence your social life. Once you begin to see things clearly, you can start to create a happy and healthy social life at any age.

Top People Who Influence Our Social Life

From the cradle to the grave we have an innate need to be social. Engaging with others and feeling a part of a community is important for our development, mental and physical health. When we are born, our parents and family have a major impact on our lives. Their loving care becomes the building blocks for a strong social foundation. Over time, more and more people influence our social life.

These influences can enhance or diminish our experiences socially and shape how healthy and happy our social lives are. Here are some of the typical influencers that shape our social life-

* Parents

* Siblings or close-contact relatives

* Teachers

* Coaches

* Care providers

Parents- Our parents are the primary source of social influence throughout our childhood and into adulthood. How they care for us and the modeling they do to encourage a healthy and happy social life makes an important impact.

Siblings and close relatives- Our siblings and those relatives closest to us create an extension of the impact our parents have. Generally speaking, our families have similar morals and values and the consistent messages really influence our beliefs. This includes how we socialize.

Teachers- Often times teachers are the first major influencers in our lives outside of our parents. Depending on when you begin school, the impact can start as early as pre-school. Teachers are a wonderful resource for intentionally teaching social skills through specific lesson plans as well as passively by modeling behaviors in the classroom.

Coaches- Like teachers, coaches have an important impact on our social lives. If you play team sports, being social can be competitive, and having good experiences helps. Good coaches can instill the right beliefs and skillsets to make being social easier and more fun.

Care providers- Whether we spend time with family, in care centers, or after school care, care providers can make a big impact on our social skills when we are young. Care providers are often a combination of nurturing adults, teachers, and friends. Their unique relationship to us as a child can really support our social growth.

As a child, there are many people who help shape our social development. As with anything, there may be one who stands out in very positive ways while another stands out in negative ways. As an adult, you can discern between who was a great influence and who wasnít and take the good and leave the bad behind. Either way, how you experience your social life is directly tied to the influences in your life as you were growing up.

Improving Your Social Life - Part Three

Can Introverts be Social…And Do They Want to Be?

There are a lot of misconceptions about introverts. At the top of the list is a false belief that introverts are shy or have social anxiety. Of course, that may be true for certain people but for the most part, being an introvert has nothing to do with shyness or being anxious around others.

The ratio of introverts to extroverts is 1 to 3 so most people are extroverts who thoroughly thrive in the presence of high-energy companies and live in group settings. For introverts, being in large groups for too long can cause exhaustion. Thatís because introverts gather their energy by being alone and express it by being with others; whereas extroverts need companionship to feel their best.

So, the question is can introverts be social…and do they want to be? The answer, of course, is absolutely YES! Introverts are social beings and rely on the community for many of the same reasons their counterpart extroverts do, just in a different way.

Introverts can and actually do enjoy being social in the right conditions

Introverts are introspective which means they process internally. They tend to be highly self-aware and excellent observers. They can read a room and recognize the dynamics at play quickly. Being this aware can be draining and sometimes the overload of outside information wears them out. Thatís why though they do enjoy being social, their threshold is lower for how much and how long they tend to be in crowds.

Most introverts like being anonymous in a crowd. It’s oftentimes fun to be out and about or attending a function without having to engage multiple people. They like the activity or the action of the event, but donít need constant connection with others at the same time.

When attending parties, it works well for introverts to attend smaller get-togethers with fewer people than they likely know well. Most introverts arenít great at small talk and avoid chatting on the phone or having a light conversation. This can make them appear shy or aloof and often misunderstood.

Introverts want to be social, but they also want to be alone

One of the best attributes of being an introvert is the ability to entertain oneself or enjoy the solitude that might cause depression in an extrovert. This can make it hard for introverts to take the step out the door to be more social. It can literally be a push/pull situation to try to leave the house and meet someone for coffee or a movie since introverts are drawn to staying home where they are most comfortable.

Reading this post, you may be well aware of who the introverts are in your life or you may be having a serious a-ha moment. You might even recognize yourself in the description and feel seen for the first time. The bottom line is, introverts are social, and they do desire to be with other people, they simply use different scenarios to get there.

Extroverts Get Their Energy from Being Social

Extroverts are natural-born socialites. They are energized and become enthusiastic by being with others. Not much makes them happier than having a social schedule filled with group activities that include chatting, engaging lots of people, and being in a crowd.

Extroverts lose their energy being alone. They often times feel isolated, bored, and underwhelmed when they arenít connecting with other people. Being alone too long can cause depression from the lack of companionship and socialization.

Extroverts naturally gravitate to careers where they are part of a team and work in groups. They love customer service and thrive wherever there are lots of people.

Extroverts get along with a wide variety of people

Since extroverts love being social, they tend to have excellent communication skills which works well when dealing with a variety of people. This can help enrich their social lives as they have a broader range of friends than introverts might have. Having more people to choose from can lead to more variety when it comes to your social calendar.

Extroverts love meeting new people and tend to be great cheerleaders. They are often encouraging and truly interested in what other people are doing. This helps break the ice when meeting new people and helps them build friendships easily.

Extroverts adapt well to new situations

Extroverts love adventure which makes them excellent at trying new things socially. This makes it especially easy to create a happier, healthier social life. Since extroverts donít have any problem diving right in and doing something new, they often thrive on trying something out of the box or unusual.

Extroverts are ideal candidates for joining groups where they may not already know someone. They wonít be lonely for long and before you know it, they will have a whole new group of friends.

Whereas introverts prefer to do things solo and get overwhelmed by large groups, extroverts rely on group experiences to build their energy up and keep it going. When it comes to socialization, extroverts may have the advantage over introverts because there is a wider range of options to find a social circle.

If youíre an extrovert thereís is wonderful news for you when it comes to creating your ideal social life. You can expect to find meaningful social opportunities with relative ease. Youíll also likely discovers a wider variety of appealing people to meet and places to go.

Top Tips for Being Social- When Youíd Rather Stay Home

One thing that competes with the desire to be social is the lure of staying home. Introverts and extroverts both struggle with the push/pull that comes from wanting to be social but also wanting to stay home and do things that feel cozy and comfortable.

When our schedules are busy, staying home can feel like a luxury. Being social can feel like a burden or, at the very least, something on the long list of things to do. Thatís not what being social is meant to feel like. Here are some top tips for being social- when youíd rather stay home.

Top-tip: Build rest time into your day- If you are going to be out and about for something social, build rest into your schedule. Add time prior to your event to take a nap, get ready, or take a break before having to leave the house. Protect your schedule so you donít overbook when you know youíve got something to do.

Top-tip: Just do it- Like Nike says, just doing itÖgetting up and going, even when you feel like staying home, can actually be energizing. Sometimes the idea of staying home feels like it is easier or more fun, but you realize when you start having fun being social that it was worth the effort, and youíre glad you did it.

Top-tip: Make it easy- Being organized at home can make it easier to be social. If you have to work too hard to get ready and get out of the door it can make you want to skip being social entirely. Having a clean home, clean clothes, and less chaos at home will make it easier to be social.

Top-tip: Stay home- Sometimes you need to listen to your intuition and just stay home. If youíve been too busy lately or simply have no interest in social activity, just skip out. There are times when your subconscious knows whatís best. While you shouldnít blow off every social opportunity, sometimes staying home is exactly what you need to refresh and energize.

There ís something about getting home that makes us want to stay there. Cozy couches, Netflix, and unlimited snacks seem like a really good time. It can make it harder to be social. If you are longing to be with people but tend to resist leaving home, youíve got to push through the resistance and experience how fun being social is so you can routinely go out and have a great time.

Dos and Doníts for Introverts and Extroverts Who Socialize Together

Ratios tell us that for every three extroverts out there you can expect to encounter one introvert. That ratio means there is a lot of intro and extroverts out there co-mingling. While extroverts are out there trying to talk to everyone, the introverts are often hiding in corners looking pained or sitting on the couch looking disinterested. How are the two supposed to socialize?

It's pretty simple actually, though extroverts get energized by social engagement and introverts get drained by it, there is an intersection where both intro and extroverts cross and both can benefit and enjoy being social together. Here are some doís and doníts for introverts and extroverts who socialize together-

* Do read the room

* Do consider the time

* Do give people grace

* Doní’t make assumptions

* Don’t forget to let people have fun

* Don’t worry about it

Do- Pay attention to the chemistry and vibe: Introverts and extroverts are coming into a social situation with different experiences. Introverts know there is only a certain amount of time before they feel spent and overwhelmed while extroverts expect to feel more and more energized over the course of the gathering. Read each otherís chemistry and recognize when an introvert is beginning to lose interest or energy. Itís a great time to connect with someone else or have a more intimate conversation away from the crowd.

Do- Pay attention to the time: Time is everything when it comes to socializing and mixing intro and extroverts. The longer an event the more withdrawn or quiet introverts begin to feel. After a certain amount of time itís great for introverts to head home so the extroverts can burn the midnight oil or hang out as long as theyíd like. Instead of asking ìwhy are you going home so soon?î Simply allow the introverts an exit strategy.

Do- Remember people are only human: Socializing with intro and extroverts can be a challenge. Itís easy to read into each otherís behavior and make assumptions. Give people grace and realize that some people are quieter, and some are more boisterous and energized in public settings. Try not to get turned off by someoneís behavior simply because it may not match your own.

Donít- make assumptions about one another: Introverts and extroverts often feel misunderstood by one another. Introverts are oftentimes seen as aloof or disinterested while extroverts can be labeled loud and obnoxious. Usually, neither is true. It can be hard to manage two distinct personality types that get their energy in different ways. Donít judges too quickly and donít make negative assumptions about someone based on their intro or extroversion and youíll likely find there are plenty of things you have in common despite having different communication styles.

Donít- forget to let people do what they love: Trying to force introverts to be more social or trying to force an extrovert to sit still during a party isnít going to work. Itís important to let people do what they love. If someone wants to sit and people watch or explore on their own, thatís just as social as someone who wants to dance with everyone in the room. Let people have fun in the way that makes the most sense for them.

Donít- Forget people always find a way to socialize together: People always find a way to get along. Introvert will disengage when they start to feel overwhelmed or tired. Extroverts tend to seek out fellow extroverts so they can build on each otherís energy.

In the end, introverts and extroverts have been co-mingling at social events forever. They always find a way. The bottom line is to be aware of the cues that clue you into what someoneís personality is and try to accommodate them while staying true to who you are.

Improving Your Social Life - Part Two

Want to Lose Weight? Be More Social!

Making the decision to lose weight is an important first step towards getting healthy. There are a wide variety of ways to lose weight. The top contenders are-

* Eat less

* Exercise

* Find a diet lifestyle that motivates you

AND

* Be more social!

Thatís right, being social can help you lose weight. Being social increases the likelihood youíll drop pounds and keep them off for the long haul.

How does being more social help with weight loss?

Being social during your weight loss journey makes perfect sense. Having a tribe of people around you can help you be more successful and less likely to make poor choices with your health. Hereís how-

* Being social is distracting

* Being social provides support

* Being social keeps you accountable

* Being social makes you happier

Your social calendar can help you lose weight- When you are busy hanging out with friends or participating in activities you enjoy you are less likely to overeat or binge. Being busy and having fun things to do makes it much easier to focus on your health while youíre having a great time.

Friends help friends reach their goals- Your social circle is an excellent way to stay fit. Sharing your goals to lose weight and get healthy is easier when you are part of a team. Some people enjoy socializing at the gym, in weight loss groups or forums, or simply engaging in daily exercise with a close friend.

Staying accountable is easier when you have a tribe- When you are isolated no one will know if you fall off track or backslide. Having a healthy social outlet during weight loss helps you with accountability and provides support when you may want to give up or things get tough.

Happy people take better care of themselves- Sometimes weight conditions happen when people are sad or lonely. Having a healthy social life can help you feel happier and give you the energy boost you need to stay on track and lose the weight.

Thereís no doubt that losing weight can be a challenge, but you can increase the likelihood youíll experience successful weight loss simply by being more social. Include friends, family, or fellow people looking to lose weight alongside you on your journey and have fun while you lose those pounds.

3 Unexpected Health Benefits of Being Social

The obvious benefits of being social are having fun and being part of a community. Humans are designed to be social creatures and live in groups depending on one another emotionally, physically, and in other important ways. What you may not have considered are the unexpected health benefits of being social.

Being social affects your mental and your physical health. That means to the same degree you develop a happy social life, no matter your age, you can expect to experience better health.

Your happy social life increases your mood

Our moods are reactive to many things. Chemicals in our bodies, shifts in hormones, or other physiological goings-on affect our mood. Additionally, our day-to-day activities affect our mood. The more social we are and the more positive and happy things we have to look forward to, the better our mood.

Have you ever woken up on the wrong side of the bed and felt destined to have a bad day only to encounter a great friend for a cup of coffee and feel better? This is an example of how having a healthy and happy social life can increase our mood.

Your happy social life can restore your memory

Dementia or loss of cognitive function is a worry for anyone middle-aged and older. An understimulated mind is at risk for memory loss or loss of cognitive ability. The good news is, developing a happy social life can actually restore memory and cognition. Finding fun ways to be social and stimulate your mind and your enthusiasm not only prevents memory issues but may restore them.

Your happy social life could prevent a stroke

Believe it or not, hanging out with friends could prevent a stroke. Thatís because being isolated and lonely can increase inflammation and blood pressure. Left in a high state of stress or anxiety, people are at greater risk for stroke, heart attack or other life-threatening issues. Hanging out with friends two to three times per week or engaging in a social activity that brings you joy can help you reduce your blood pressure and ease inflammation giving your body the healthy boost it needs.

There is much more to being social than having a good time. Being social can help you be healthier and live longer. Making healthy social activities part of your daily routine is an excellent way to stay healthy while you have fun.

Your Social Life is Meant to Shift Over Time

Your social life isnít meant to be a one-and-done situation. As a matter of fact, your social life should shift over time. In the same way, you arenít the same person you were a year ago, your social life isnít meant to stand still either.

Our lives are an evolution. What we find interesting, intriguing, and fun changes. That means our social lives and how we recreate or spend our free time is going to look different over the years.

Some people have a hard time shifting their focus from the friends and activities that once brought them a lot of happiness, but sometimes holding on to people and activities can actually hold you back. Itís important to be willing to make changes in what you love to do and who you love to do it with without feeling guilty.

As you mature what you want to do changes

Over time, what you like to do for fun and how you like to socialize will surely change. When you are younger, you might choose friends for entirely different reasons than you do later in life. What you have in common shifts, or how you like to recreate morphs. Itís important to allow yourself to grow and change over time.

As you move through life you are able to do bigger and better things

Economics can play a factor in how you socialize. You may have more income and be able to do bigger and better things over time. Itís a great time to increase your options or try something new. There is nothing wrong with leaving an old social activity behind to enjoy something new and exciting.

The more you know, the more you do

Sometimes you arenít aware of whatís out there for a good time. You may not have known of the options out there to learn more, do more, or be more. Over time you become aware of what is out there to engage in during your free time. As you know more about whatís available itís important to shift and grow and try new things.

Your social life is meant to shift over time. You canít expect to stay in the same social circle doing the same things for your entire life. As you grow and mature, your tastes change, your economics change, and you become more aware of all the opportunities in life. Embrace an ever-evolving social life and enjoy the benefits of new and exciting social opportunities.

Social Media Could Make It Harder to be Social

Social media is amazing. That ability to connect with people easily and consume amazing amounts of content is pretty normal nowadays. There are many wonderful things about social media that canít be denied-

* Staying in touch with family and friends

* Sharing information

* Communicating beliefs and opinions

* Easy access to unlimited information

Each of these aspects of social media enriches our lives and makes it better when put into the context of a well-rounded life. When social media is a tool used in conjunction with other tools, it is a positive and appropriate way to be social and connected but, social media could make it harder to be social if weíre not careful.

The very same things that make social media amazing can potentially make it hazardous. The attention we pay to social media can take our attention away from other important things. Spending hours looking at a screen trying to ìconnectî isnít true connection. Itís important to be present and engage in social activities that arenít electronic.

People tend to spend an astonishing amount of time on social media. They are glued to a smart phone or desktop looking at life through a social media platform. Though it is possible to engage others and be social, it is somewhat of an artificial form of socialization. Hereís why-

Social media is void of natural engagement- Sliding into someoneís DMís or commenting on a social media post is an artificial form of communication. When you message someone or leave a comment, youíre likely leaving a highly curated thought that youíve edited. That means you may be more or less genuine than you would be if you were in a face-to-face conversation. Over time, people can stunt their interpersonal social skills and become socially awkward when it comes to holding a conversation in person.

Social media is a highlight reel- Posts tend to be highly edited and pictures tend to be the best version of ourselves possible. This projects a sense of perfection that isn’t always accurate. It can create a sense of imposter syndrome on the part of the person posting and a sense of inadequacy on the part of the person viewing the material. Both cases end up with people masquerading who they truly are and intensifying their sense of insecurity.

Social media takes our attention off the present- Quite literally, social media can take our attention off the here and now. Looking at a screen while in the presence of friends and family can distract us from being social with the people in the room. Also, looking at a screen while doing activities like commuting, waiting in line, dining out, or other tasks can rule out meeting someone organically in the community.

Much of being social has to do with being out in society. Learning to engage other people, connect with people, and build relationships happen face to face and in real life. Social media has the potential to steal our attention and reduce the amount of human contact we have. Itís important to use social media as one of many tools to stay connected and make friends but itís vital to make certain you are in control of your social media usage rather than it being in control of you.

Improving Your Social Life - Part One

What is a Social Life and Why do you Need One?

Humans are designed to be social. We are created with the ability to communicate verbally and non-verbally making it easier to share ideas and be in the community. Humans have lived in groups from the beginning and rely on one another to live interdependently rather than alone. Humans have the ability to be sensitive, funny, caring, and nurturing. These traits lend themselves to being social. In essence, humans are made to be social. Humans are designed to be social. We are created with the ability to communicate verbally and non-verbally making it easier to share ideas and be in the community. Humans have lived in groups from the beginning and rely on one another to live interdependently rather than alone. Humans have the ability to be sensitive, funny, caring, and nurturing. These traits lend themselves to being social. In essence, humans are made to be social.

Not everyone has the same desire or capacity for socialization, but everyone regardless of the number of their social preferences has the desire to feel wanted and accepted by a group. Even people designated as loners need some form of community.

What is a social life?

Social life consists of our personal preferences for community and how we engage others socially. Our social life includes, but isnít limited to

* How we recreate

* Who are friends are

* What group activities do we participate in

And

* How we engage with our community

Our social life is generally a reflection of our personal interests at any given time and how we express ourselves through recreation or engagement with others. Our social life isnít limited to what we do for fun though. It can also include-

* How we volunteer

* Time spent with colleagues or peers

* Giving back in our communities

Our social life includes the people in our sphere of influence we engage with and how they impact our sense of belonging.

Why do you need a social life?

Everyone needs social engagement. Even the shyest, introverted or socially resistant people do enjoy socializing, though generally in limited quantities with small groups of people. Being social isnít about parties and light-hearted engagements. Being social includes doing life with others to-

* Solve problems

* Share work

* Stay mentally acute

* Share ideas

* Feel connected

A healthy social life transfers to a healthy mind and body because being social can help prevent physical and mental illnesses. As a matter of fact, an underdeveloped social life can stunt mental growth in children and lead to early death for elderly people.

Our social lives are part of what makes us human. Being in a community with others is part of how we survive physically, mentally, and as a society. Being social isnít limited to going out on Friday night. It includes having someone to share life with and enrich our experiences. Whether you consider yourself a social butterfly or a lone wolf, being social is part of being healthy.

From the Cradle to the Grave- Everyone Needs to be Social

Being social is more than having something fun to do with friends. Being social includes interacting with others in meaningful ways for a wide array of reasons. Being social with friends, family, and colleagues helps us develop into happy and healthy humans who thrive.

Being social begins at birth. Being held and cared for is the first socialization we have. Developing a sense of trust and depending on parents and caregivers to nurture us while we are helpless is the first experience we have as social creatures. If these are positive, it enhances our socialization and we thrive. If they are negative, it can cause us to stunt our socialization and create mental and physical problems.

Babies need to be cuddled and held to develop socially. As they grow, engaging them every day helps them develop their minds and their psyches in positive ways. Most small children are hyper-focused on their relationships with their parents and immediate family who model healthy socialization for their development.

Typical school-age children thrive in the community. They enjoy friends and teachers and soak up social skills like a sponge. They learn by being taught social skills directly as well as observing social norms passively. Kids learn how to be social by watching other kids and internalizing what they see.

Middle-school and high school kids want to fit in more than anything else. Developmentally, being accepted by their peer group is the primary drive during adolescence. Though some kids march to the beat of their own drum, most seek to conform and blend in with their peers rather than stick out.

Young adults begin to socialize in a wider scope. During young adulthood, people seek out like-minded friends to socialize with. Whether this is finding a tribe in college that has the same major or a group of young mothers who have children of similar ages. Young adults are more deliberate about finding people to spend time with.

Middle-aged adults may be empty nesters and have established or neared the end of their careers. This creates an opportunity to recreate or be social in new and exciting ways. Middle-aged folks may break free from socializing with families of their kidsí friends based on sports or other activities their kids have. Middle-aged people often begin revamping their social lives to be more personally satisfying and focused on activities they actively enjoy.

Elderly people run the risk of being socially isolated. In the same way, infants require their family to engage them socially, elderly people need a family to help them stay mentally acute and thriving. Elderly people may have limited mobility or access to peers. Also, many times their peer group dwindles as people pass on. Regardless, itís very important for elderly people to have meaningful relationships and not be ignored or neglected.

From the cradle to the grave, we need socialization to stay healthy. Being involved with other people helps us grow, mature, and sustain our mental and physical health throughout our lives.

Are You Having a Social Identity Crisis?

How we socialize and who we spend our time with are determined by a lot of factors. Factors like-

* The dynamics of our family

* Where we work

* Our Geography

* Access to like-minded people

Each of these plays a large role in what we do with our free time and how closely related what we do socially is to our identity.

Our family dynamics determine our social life- When we parent, a lot of what we do for fun is focused on our children. Attending activities and events and hanging out with people connected to our childrenís activities tends to fill our time.

Where we work determines our social life- Many people spend their on and off-duty time with their co-workers because thatís the pool of people they have access to regularly. In many cases, co-workers become close friends and the people you think of first to hang out with.

Where we live determines our social life- Geography has a lot to do with friendships. Beginning in school when our classrooms determine our playmates. Our home address has a lot to do with who we have access to for our social lives.

Access to like-minded people determines our social life- To the extent, we have access to people who enjoy the same things we do, our lives may feel more or less fulfilling.

Sometimes the people we have access to or the activities we have to choose from donít mesh with our true selves. Sometimes there is a disconnect between how we want to be socially and how we get to be. Limitations like geography, stage of life, and lack of peers can damper meaningful social activities and create a social identity crisis.

If you enjoy activities that arenít possible for you because of family dynamics, work commitments, or lack of people who enjoy the same activities you may be improvising or denying yourself the fun you truly want. You may be a hiker masquerading as a soccer mom, or a chef forced to volunteer weekends for work. It can be frustrating to socialize in ways that donít mesh with your heartís desire.

Itís important to find ways to plug into the social group you want to be a part of even if you canít make it a primary focus all the time. Finding ways to experience the social climate you truly want can help you feel less frustrated and could open doors to more fun-filled activities. Do what you can to express yourself socially in genuine ways so you feel like you arenít missing out on the people, places, and activities that you truly want to be a part of.

Loneliness can Cause an Illness

How often do you feel lonely? Being lonelyÖeven when youíre in a crowd, isnít fun. Not only that, it can ruin your health. Loneliness can cause a host of mental and physical health issues that can morph into chronic illnesses.

Being occasionally lonely never hurts anyone. As a matter of fact, loneliness is a great motivator to get out and do something fun. When you donít have that motivation, loneliness can become a problem.

Did you know that loneliness can actually trigger health issues? Thatís right! Chronic loneliness can lead to depression, worry, and anxiety. This can manifest as a physical illness and shorten your life span. While most people think about loneliness when it comes to elderly people, loneliness in adults ages 18-25 is actually on the rise.

Loneliness can cause depression- Being lonely can trigger depression. The lack of stimulation can reduce the production of dopamine and other feel-good chemicals in your brain. Prolonged episodes of loneliness can contribute to isolation and severe depression.

Loneliness can cause mental decline- Studies have indicated that loneliness can lead to cognitive difficulties which may contribute to diseases like Alzheimerís. Failing to stimulate the brain and engage in meaningful relationships can contribute to cognitive decline.

Loneliness can cause cardio-vascular disease- One study indicates that loneliness contributes to peripheral vascular disease which affects the blood vessels outside of the heart and brain. It also can increase blood pressure and anxiety.

Loneliness can cause inflammation- Some inflammation is helpful. Inflammation helps your body fight infection. Prolonged inflammation is detrimental to your health and can be quite painful. There are studies that indicate being alone too long sends signals to your brain that trigger inflammation.

Loneliness can cause over or underweight conditions- Being alone can trigger over or under-eating. This can lead to unhealthy weight either way. Some people use food to comfort themselves when they are lonely which can lead to obesity. Some forms of depression can trigger a loss of appetite or eating disorders. Left with no one to connect to socially, people run the risk of eating too much or too little.

Being isolated is not healthy. It can affect your mental or your physical health. Developing a happy social life at any age can help you stay fit and healthy throughout your life. Itís possible to avoid health issues like obesity, cardiovascular disease, and Alzheimerís by being socially active.

Surviving the Holidays - Part Four

Christmas Past- Learning from People Who’ve Been There

Christmas is an absolutely magical time of year. The sights, sounds, tastes, and smells all delight the senses. Everyone wants their holiday to be merry, bright and filled with wonder.  Sometimes that’s easier said than done and all the good intentions start to feel like a burden. Trying to make everything perfect gets overwhelming and stressful. That’s when it’s great to talk to someone who’s been around the Christmas block a time or two. 

If you talk to people who’ve raised families into adulthood, you might learn that you don’t need to jam pack your holidays so full that you start to feel dazed and confused. They’ll likely tell you that a lot of the effort you put into making memorable holidays simply doesn’t matter. That you can do less and have a bigger impact. 

Learning from people who’ve lived some life can help you avoid stress and headaches during Christmas…and the rest of the year. Asking some powerful questions can make all the difference in how you spend your time and resources during the holiday. Take a look- 

Q? How important is it to buy gifts for Christmas? 

A: It may feel important to have a lot of gifts under the tree so children feel valued, but in the end it doesn’t matter. They usually blow through the gifts and only really care about one or two each year. Over time it means more to kids to have fewer gifts that are more thoughtful for their needs at the time. 

Q? What do kids remember most? 

A: Kids tend to remember events more than anything. A year you take a vacation instead of staying home. The year you go skiing on Christmas day and have a crock pot dinner. These unusual events really impact their memories in positive ways. 

Q? What are the top 3 most important things to focus on?
A: 1. Quality time. Doing a special activity with each child during the season really means a lot to them. 2. Tradition. Having something fun you do each year helps create a lasting memory that they tend to take into adulthood. 3. Community. Using the holiday to remind children of the importance of caring for the community as a whole. Buying gifts for the Angel Tree network or volunteering somehow as a family. 

It can feel overwhelming trying to be, do, and have everything there is to make Christmas special. It needn’t be too complicated. Ask those older than you for their perspective and advice on how you can streamline and bring out the best of the holidays without feeling burdened. 

Crafting a Christmas Mission Statement Helps Reduce Holiday Stress

The holidays come around every year and each year brings the promise of magic and wonder. Christmas delights entire families and gets them excited for gifts, celebrations, and time off from their regular routine. The excitement generated by Christmas can quickly fade when things start to feel overwhelming. Without proper planning, Christmas time can morph into a stressful time filled with too many activities and not enough resources to meet your expectations. Luckily, there’s a simple way to avoid stress during Christmas time. 

You may have heard about mission statements and how they help organizations and businesses laser focus on their overall goals for their business. It’s directly connects to the why of why they are in business. A mission statement helps businesses, and those who run them, weigh their decisions and make the best choices possible that align with their mission. 

In the same way that mission statements serve business, they can serve families. When it comes to Christmas, having a mission statement can help families make decisions that support their mission and reduce stress spending time on things that don’t suit their mission. 

A sample mission statement for Christmas could be- To focus on family and friends making memories that last. Another could be- To use the season as an opportunity to serve others. 

Taking the time to define what matters most helps remove any doubt about where to put your emphasis and where to set healthy boundaries. If your family mission is to serve others, it makes sense to set aside resources to donate or volunteer during the holidays while giving up other activities. If your mission is to focus on family and friends, it makes sense that you would plan activities that are family oriented. 


Try these tips for creating your Christmas mission statement
Tip- Involve the whole family. Make creating your mission statement a family affair. Involve everyone in determining what matters most to them and crafting a mission statement that reflects the goals for the season. It might be something unique like- to experience Christmas as a family on a vacation. 

Tip- Write out your mission statement and post it. Make sure your mission statement is front and center to remind your whole family what they have agreed is their focus for the holiday.

Tip- Weigh your choices against one another. When you are faced with decisions about what to do with your spending, time, and obligations, weigh them against your mission. If the opportunity doesn’t support the mission, it’s an easy no. 

One of the easiest ways to reduce stress during Christmas time is to agree ahead of time what your focus is going to be. Creating a mission statement can help your family identify their primary focus for the season and avoid unnecessary stress.  

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Tips for Reducing your Giving Without Feeling Like a Scrooge

Being generous is important. There’s no greater time of year to give than during the holidays but it doesn’t take long for the list of opportunities to give to outgrow your ability to be generous. Sometimes you’ve simply got to cut back. This can leave you feeling guilty and fearful you’ll be perceived as a Scrooge. 

There are plenty of great reasons to give and be generous, but your resources may not always be as big as your heart. What can you do when you need to reduce your giving without feeling horrible? Try these ideas out- 

Idea! Try reducing your overall gift-giving budget. If you are in the habit of giving extravagant gifts, try reducing your price point per person to make the budget stretch. Lowering your spending per person can help you give more without cutting out the number of people you give to.  

Idea! Give time rather than money. Giving gifts and making monetary donations comes out of your bank account. Why not give the gift of time instead. Create coupon books with vouchers for special time with friends and family. You can postpone your spending until they cash in their coupons. Instead of making money donations to your favorite charities, consider doing some volunteer work throughout the year to offer an equally valuable resource. 

Idea! Reassess your giving guidelines. Over time, you may find you are under pressure to give gifts to an ever-growing list of friends and family. Times change and it’s ok to assess and re-evaluate your giving guidelines. Some fun gift-giving guidelines could include-

  • Only buying gifts for kids under 16

  • Doing a numbered gift exchange with adult family members

  • Opting out of gift giving outside of immediate family

  • Setting a spending cap on gifts

Once you’ve made the best decision for your family, rest assured that you can give confidently without feeling like a Scrooge. 

Idea! Get crafty with your giving. Try making gifts that have low cost investments. Body scrubs, décor, and other DIY items can cost pennies to make but their personal touch has great value. Search the web for fun do it yourself gifts you can make in bulk and give to lots of people. 

Christmas means something different to everyone who celebrates. There are no two families experiencing the holiday the same. You must feel confident setting limits and creating spending plans that make sense for you and your family’s finances. Be generous, but not to the point you face going into debt. Find fun ways to give without feeling stressed or like a Scrooge. 

Vacations are an Excellent Way to Celebrate Christmastime

What’s your idea of a perfect Christmastime? Does it include a well-lit tree, friends and family gathered around the table for a meal? Or, does it look more like being in an oceanside condo ready to hit the beach? For some, vacations are an excellent way to celebrate Christmastime. 

Most people feel pulled to their homes during the holidays. The traditions of setting up a tree, baking, and other family fun brings back comfort and joy each season. There’s no place they would rather be than home and they want their children to build lasting memories about their holiday time at home too. The thing is, if you ask adults about their favorite holiday memories, they oftentimes speak about the rare time they traveled during the holiday. 
Taking a vacation during Christmas can be fun! Getting out of tradition and doing something extraordinary can create a new spark during the holiday. There’s something new and exciting about spending an old holiday in a new way. There are lots of ways to use travel as an alternative to a stay-at-home Christmas. 

VRBO- Vacation Rentals by Owner are affordable, fully contained homes that offer the benefits of home in a fun location. Consider transferring your holiday magic to a VRBO. You can still have a tree and cook your traditional meal all the while experiencing a new and exciting location. 

The Happiest Place on Earth- Did you know that Disney theme parks are open 365 days per year? That means you can celebrate Christmas at a Disney theme park rather than your living room. Instead of investing in the trappings of Christmas, divert your funds to a family vacation and spend your special day with Mickey and friends. 

Foreign Exchange- Why not experience the holiday through another culture’s eyes. Many cultures celebrate Christmas and it can be an eye opening and cultural experience to celebrate somewhere new.  Take a deep dive into another culture and experience Christmas in ways you may have never dreamed of. The experience will certainly last a lifetime. 

There’s no requirement that you stay home for Christmas. Whether you have an entire family living under your roof, or it’s your first year as an empty nester, there are plenty of opportunities to travel and experience Christmas on vacation. Try something fun and new and see how much your family enjoys their alternative celebration. 

Surviving the Holidays - Part Three

Empty Nest Holidays- Redefining the Season When Kids Grow Up

There’s nothing quite as magical as the holidays when your children are home. When they are little, the holidays are filled with wonder and delight as you witness them through the eyes of a child. As they grow, it’s fun to engage in family traditions and experience every stage of childhood in a unique way. Before you know it, they are grown and you’re facing your first empty nest holidays. 

Each time a child grows up moves out and moves into their new life, it directly affects yours. Not only are you absent a child, but you’re also beginning to see that life’s never going to be the same in a lot of different areas. This redefinition of life can feel overwhelming if you’ve wrapped your identity into being a parent.  

Empty nest holidays have the potential to be magical if you embrace the positive benefits. Morphing with the changes and refreshing your holiday style can help you create a new and exciting experience. Sure, your kiddos might fly home and still want their favorite meals, but there are plenty of ways to infuse time-honored traditions while exploring brand new ways to celebrate. Consider these redefined ways to celebrate- 


Make the holiday negotiable- As families grow, they expand. Kids head to college, get married, or do whatever it is they do on their own. This can create challenges to celebrate a holiday on its specific day. Making the day negotiable help. There’s nothing that says your Thanksgiving can’t be the fourth Saturday of November or that you celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve, eve. You can design whatever celebration your empty nest needs to accommodate the changes that come with children growing up. 


Drop it like it’s hot- You can choose to drop a holiday and allow your kids to celebrate with new family or friends. It’s entirely possible to start your own holiday plans that don’t include kids at all. Take a cruise each year or buy a timeshare. Do something that sounds like fun and free the time up for your kids to celebrate their holiday however they choose.


Put the holidays on pause- If your kids are out of the home, not married, and have no children of their own, it’s a good time to put things on pause. Allow each holiday to be its own unique day without any preconceived expectations. When they marry, have children or are settled into a regular routine it’s a great time to re-establish a holiday celebration routine. In the meantime, enjoy holiday seasons where anything is possible. 

Being an empty nester is a wonderful thing. It’s a great time to reinvent yourself and your traditions. Finding new and fun ways to celebrate makes perfect sense when your young adult kids are out finding their way. Get creative and make your empty nest holidays fun and unique.  

Money-Saving Dos and Don’ts for Happy and Financially Healthy Holidays

One of the fastest ways people get overwhelmed during the holidays is by overspending. Being financially unprepared for the holiday season leads to bad habits and poor choices that have serious repercussions at the beginning of the new year. 

Holiday spending is more than buying gifts, it’s usually a bunch of small things that add up. Things like-

  • Décor

  • Groceries

  • Extra activities

  • Extra giving/donations

AND

  • Gifts

Money leaking out here and there for expenses you don’t have any other time of year adds up and can cause debt or overspending. Stress starts building up with each purchase and what should be a fun time of year starts to feel overwhelming. 

You don’t have to overspend or go into debt trying to make the holidays magical. Pay attention to these dos and don’ts to help keep your finances healthy during the holidays. 

DO- Create a holiday budget before the holidays start- Every year is different. Some years there are more resources for the holidays and some years are lean. Make a budget before the holidays based on your current financial situation. Keep to your budget to help prevent overspending. 

DO- Find fun and unique ways to make some extra cash- Host an annual yard sale or offer a side hustle that brings in some extra cash each year. Finding fun ways to make more money helps you cover the extra costs you have during the holiday season. Enlist the family and encourage them to earn some extra cash that they can use for buying gifts or personal items during the season. 

DO- Cherry-pick your holiday must-haves before spending- There are unlimited ways to spend during the holidays. Everything associated with the holidays is bright and shiny and can make impulse buying hard to avoid. Be decisive about what matters most to you during the season and focus your attention and your dollars on those items and activities and leave the rest for someone else to enjoy. 

DON’T- Worry about what other people do- It’s an age-old concept but still rings true. You shouldn’t worry about what your neighbors are doing. You don’t need to keep up with anyone else nor be influenced by their spending. Focus on your family and what makes sense for your unique needs during the holidays.

DON’T- Forget the benefits of getting ahead of the game- Procrastination can cause overspending. Don’t put off tasks like food shopping or other errands that dig into your budget. The earlier you take care of things the easier you can find deals and be more relaxed. An example could be purchasing all of your non-perishable food items for all holiday meals in one early shopping trip. This gets the task out of the way and frees up time during the rest of the season, 

DON’T- Allow guilt to make you overspend- It’s hard to say no when you want to say yes. Financially, it may not be possible to do everything without going into debt or making a poor financial decision. Don’t allow guilt to drive you. The holidays magnify certain feelings. Set healthy limits that keep your finances under control and don’t feel guilty for being smart with your money. 

Spending can be at an all-time high during the holidays. There are a lot of expenses that come with celebrating which have the potential to strain your budget. Don’t let the holidays cost you your happiness, sanity, or more. Keep your spending in perspective and enjoy a happy and financially healthy season.  

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Make the Season Fun by Choosing a Theme

There are so many ways to have fun during the holidays. From hayrides in fall to watch the Nutcracker ballet in winter, there are plenty of opportunities to make the season fun. One fun option is choosing a theme and building the entire holiday around it. 

Choosing a theme is fun because it creates a focal point for all the activities and experiences for the season. It can be a great way to plan the décor, events, and other elements of your holidays. Here are some fun ways to use themes during the holidays-

Happy Holidays in the forest theme- Choose a forest theme for a fun-filled holiday season. Start off with woodland décor for fall and winter. Have fun with your family taking a trip to the woods for collecting pinecones in the fall and going snowshoeing in the winter. Choose a fun animal like a bear as the mascot for the season and build décor or other design elements around the theme. Host a festive feast fit for the forest for your holiday meals and enjoy the great outdoors…inside or out. 

‘Tis the season for giving theme- Create a holiday season focused on giving back and caring for others. Have your family choose a charity to focus on for the season. Save the change to offer when you see a bell ringer and red bucket. Find opportunities to serve or volunteer. Choose people to support from the Angel Tree Network. Host friends who don’t have a close family for a meal and use the holiday time to reach out to people who may not have connections with family. 

Baby, it’s cold outside theme- Have fun with a winter wonderland theme. Host hot chocolate gets together with a variety of warm beverages and toppings. Choose outdoor activities like ice skating, sledding, skiing, or snowmobiles that all share one thing in common- they are cold! 

Get the family involved with holiday decorating that is white, silver, blue, or other icy-inspired colors. 

Having a theme can help give the holidays a fun focus and make the season about one thing in particular. This can help reduce being pulled in too many directions because your attention is on the activities associated with your theme. What’s more, having a theme can actually make the holidays more memorable. Your family is sure to remember the year you had a specific theme for your entire holiday season and the memories will last for years to come. 

Surviving the Holidays - Part Two

Tips for Creating Drama-Free Holidays

As much as people love the holidays, they don’t always love getting together with their extended family. There’s something about the holidays that brings families together whether or not it’s a good idea. Sadly, some people cause drama that can disrupt the holiday spirit. Strong personalities, addictions, and other issues can affect the harmony of a gathering and make it harder than it should be to have a good time. 

Creating a drama-free holiday is important for the people who truly want to be together and enjoy quality family time. It might feel tough to confront difficult issues, but it can make a big difference in the quality of your holiday time. Consider these tips for creating drama-free holidays everyone can enjoy. 

Tip- Create a drama-free experience- If addiction issues have the potential for ruin your holiday gathering, simply create a drug and alcohol-free event. Removing the temptations and making modifications to your gathering that support sobriety helps everyone. If someone you love struggles with making good choices, help make the choice easier by hosting a clean and sober event. 


Tip- Consider your guests- Trying to fit square pegs into round holes never works. Sometimes you’ve got to be honest about the family members and friends in your life. Some simply can’t play well with others. It may be in everyone’s best interest to keep certain people away from each other. It may also be important to consider what sort of function you’re having and whether or not it’s the best for your guest list. Depending on who is coming to your holiday gathering you may want to consider what activities you have, when you have it, and who is invited. 

Tip- Be willing to be honest- One of the biggest reasons families experience drama is the unwillingness to address the situation. People want to avoid conflict or hope people figure out the impact they make on other people. This generally doesn’t work. Being up front and being honest with people about how their behavior affects others can help them modify it or excuse themselves from the situation if they must. It can be really hard to confront negative behavior, but it can make the holiday better for the majority of the people. 

Everyone wants a happy holiday season filled with friends and family but sometimes people make it difficult. Instead of ignoring their behavior, try one of these tips to create a drama free holiday that benefits everyone…even the ones with the problems. 

Could your Family Benefit from Breaking Some Traditions?

Traditions are part of what makes the holidays memorable. Thinking back on your childhood, you might have some amazing memories of holiday’s past that are steeped in tradition. You may have even brought some of them into adulthood and your own family. There’s no doubt that traditions help families stay connected and remind them of their roots but there may come a time when it helps to break traditions and build new ones. 

Should traditions always be kept? 

Traditions can bring comfort and a sense of familiarity and belonging, but they can also be stifling and keep you from growing and expanding. Holding onto traditions can exclude other possibilities that might be a better fit for you and your family. While traditions can be a wonderful way to hold onto the past, there may be room for change in your future. 

Here are some indicators you might be ready to break some traditions-

Your family dynamics change- It might have been fun to participate in a tradition for a season, but a change could be in order. If your family dynamics change and it doesn’t make sense to hold onto a tradition, be open to letting it go, creating a new one or making a modification. Some typical reasons family dynamics change: 

  • Marriage, divorce, blending families

  • Children mature or grow up

  • Time constraints or changes in schedules

When the dynamics in the family change, it may be time to break a tradition and begin something new. 

You’re bored or change interests- Some traditions felt great for a time, but everyone is always changing and growing. Adapting and expanding your interests can affect your traditions. What once felt comforting begins to feel controlling. Don’t let familiarity cause you to hold onto traditions that you’ve outgrown.

Creating new traditions can create joy

Finding new ways to create traditions during the holidays can reduce stress and create joy. Growing and expanding with your family as it changes can help you hold onto traditions you love while finding new ones that have meaning for where you are in life at the moment. Ask yourself these questions to help you create new traditions. 

What makes sense for your stage of life? If your children are small, there may be a host of activities that you engage in as part of your tradition. As they age, it makes sense to stop some activities and find new age-appropriate activities. Asking what makes sense for your current stage of life will help you break traditions you don’t need and create ones that everyone will enjoy. 


What do you love most this time of year? Asking yourself…and your family, what they love most and want to do each year will help you engage in the activities that matter. You never know, that one time you had pizza for Thanksgiving dinner could be a tradition they want to experience each and every year. You never know if you don’t ask! 

Sometimes traditions can actually weigh families down and cause stress. It’s important to take time and review your beloved traditions and see if there isn’t room for improvement, retirement or creating new traditions altogether.  

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  3 Alternatives to Traditional Holiday Celebrations

Depending on where you live, there are typical ways to celebrate the holidays. Friends, family, and culture all influence how special days unfold and what foods and activities usually accompany them. Getting into the habit of celebrating the holidays a specific way can make it hard to break from tradition- though breaking free can actually be a valuable change. 

You may be used to celebrating the holidays a very specific way and have never given any thought to trying something new. There are unlimited ways to experience the holidays that don’t include turkey dinners, presents under a tree, or winter wonderlands. As a matter of fact, it can be a ton of fun to try something entirely different for your holiday season. Here are three alternatives to traditional holiday celebrations that might be of interest to you and your family. 

Alternative #1. Travel- Most people stay close to home during the holidays. They love the traditions of decorating, enjoying specific foods, and spending quality time with family. Though these are fun traditions, travel can be an amazing alternative. 

Try traveling to a location that experiences the holidays in magical ways you can’t get where you live. If you live in a warm climate, head to the snow. If you live in the snow, head for the beach. If you live in America, try a European holiday. 

Alternative #2. Friends over family- Some people spend their holidays with family and limit their activities with friends. Family is great, but there’s something wonderful about friendships. That’s why Friendsgiving has become so popular. Try spending a holiday with your friends doing a fun activity that you wouldn’t normally experience on a holiday. 

Consider going skiing on Christmas and forgo presents for a VRBO and a lift ticket. Make memories with friends by having a potluck and heading to the movies for a blockbuster instead of cooking a traditional meal. 

Alternative #3. Giving back to your community- There are plenty of people experiencing the holidays in hospitals, shelters, and other unexpected places. Consider spending the day in your community serving others who rarely get noticed. 

Try volunteering at an animal shelter to walk animals or clean. Serve at a homeless shelter and support your community by donating your time and energy to help those less fortunate. You can get your whole family involved and make an impact on those you’re serving and yourselves. 

f you’re looking to shake things up, why not try an alternative holiday celebration this year? Breaking away from the norm helps create memories and can leave a lasting impression for you and your whole family. 

Surviving the Holidays - Part One

Putting the Happy into your Holidays

The holidays are a wondrous time of year filled with every imaginable delight for your senses. Great tasting food, beautiful décor, soft and fuzzy sweaters, and music that only comes around once per year. It’s no wonder people can’t wait for the holidays to help them escape into a time of family, fun, and festivities. 

While the idea of the holidays is always delightful, the realities can be quite overwhelming. Juggling an already busy schedule with added activities during the holidays can quickly take the wonder out of the season and replace it with stress. What started out as Happy Holidays becomes surviving the Holidaze. 

The holidays don’t stop for stressful life events either. Illnesses, injuries, or adjusting to big changes don’t get put on hold during the holiday season. There are some years that the holidays co-mingle with great loss or change. Finding a way to embrace the season while dealing with setbacks can be tricky. 

The holidays don’t have to wear you out. There are many things you can do to reduce the stress and streamline your holidays. Believe it or not, you don’t have to recreate a Hallmark Channel version of the holidays in order for them to be magical. It’s entirely possible to decorate, host family, cook meals, entertain, and still enjoy the season. It’s also entirely possible to celebrate the joy of the season while simultaneously managing great loss. 

Ultimately, the holidays may not look like anyone else’s, but that’s the point. What makes your holidays happy may not look anything like what someone else is experiencing. The key is to focus on your unique needs at the time and craft a holiday that makes the most sense under your circumstances. 

Letting go of guilt, expectations, and overwhelming yourself helps put the happy into your holidays. Knowing what you can manage alongside everything else going on is what helps you mean it when you say Happy Holidays to others.  

This season, and every one after, should be a reflection of your life in the moment. If you’re experiencing abundance with your finances, time, and energy, let the season reflect it. If you are weathering a great storm, allow yourself to modify your holiday to accommodate the needs you and your family have at the time. 

There’s no reason to struggle during the holidays. The season is designed to give pause for reflection and celebrate with family and friends. Keeping the focus on these things allows for the holidays to remain manageable rather than overwhelming. 

3 Thieves that Rob your Holiday Spirit

Everyone starts off with tremendous holiday spirit. The mere idea of the holiday’s sparks joy. Knowing anything is possible during the season creates a sense of wonder and delight… right about the time the first pumpkin spice latte hits the coffee shop. Sadly, it doesn’t always take long for one…or more…of three thieves to rob your holiday spirit. 

The three thieves of holiday spirit are

  • Finances

  • Time

  • Family

Any of these, or all of them for that matter, have a tendency to steal the joy you’ve mustered for the season. Sadly, what’s supposed to be a happy time can easily turn stressful when your money, your time, or your family are out of whack. 

Finances have the potential to steal your holiday spirit

When people are strapped for cash during the holidays it can feel like a burden. From failing to plan to face an unexpected financial hit, money problems tend to steal the holiday spirit. The expectations for spending during the holidays can cause a lot of stress. Décor costs, gifts, meals, and attending extra activities can make a dent in your budget. It’s important to understand that everyone feels stressed. You are not alone! There are things you can do to help the budget. You can switch up your holiday plans or forgo some of the typical spendings to help keep your holiday finances under control. 

Time has the potential to steal your holiday spirit

There are only so many hours in the day. Though you could sleep less, that’s not the best way to try to get everything done. The holidays come with a lot of time commitments. Extra shopping, holiday parties and activities, and time with family and friends have to be mixed with your typical everyday needs. This can zap your energy and rob you of your spirit. What should be a fun activity can become an intrusion or cause for a headache. Taking control of your time during the holidays might be easier than you think. What’s more, there are things you can do in the months leading up to the holidays that can help you have more time when you need it most. 

The family has the potential to steal your holiday spirit

Family is one of the main reasons to get excited about the holidays, yet family can also be a chief thief of your holiday spirit. Sadly, dysfunction doesn’t take a break from October through January. Sometimes the people you want to spend time with cause problems that make it really hard to enjoy them and sometimes you’re forced into family time with people you’d really rather avoid. It’s possible to set limits and set boundaries that help you and your family have the best holiday possible. It might feel scary, but It’s possible to confront behaviors that keep families from feeling uncomfortable during the holidays. 

If you’ve ever felt strapped for cash, strapped for time, or wanting to avoid certain family during the holidays then you’ve experienced one or more of the thieves of the holiday spirit. It’s common for them to try to rob your joy, but you don’t have to allow them to put a damper on your holiday. Prepare for them, realize they want to rob your spirit, and take precautions to make sure they don’t have a chance. 

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Choosing what’s best for your Family During the Holidays…Without Feeling guilty!

There can be a lot of pressure during the holidays to be, do, and have things that may or may not fit into your vision. The thing is, everyone has a unique idea of what merriment looks like and the best way to spend the holiday season. That’s great if it gels with your ideas, but it can feel like a burden if it doesn’t. 

Ultimately, it’s important to choose what’s best for your family during the holidays and let go of any guilt along the way. It might feel uncomfortable but if you keep your focus positive, you can assert yourself without too much fallout. Here’s how- 

Get confident in what’s best for your family- One of the keys to choosing what’s best for your family without feeling guilty is knowing for certain what’s best. When you are clear on what you want and need, it’s easier to be confident about it. An example could be declining to travel for the holidays if you have a new baby, puppy, just moved, an illness or injury, or any situation that feels too overwhelming for travel. Knowing that it’s best for your family to stay put can help you make a clear decision, stick to it, and not feel guilty about it. 

Communicate clearly and early- Once you’ve decided what’s best for you this season, make sure key people know as early as possible. Waiting until the last minute can cause hard feelings and leave other people in the lurch. Letting people know what your plans are in a clear and concise way will help them adapt and make their own plans too. 

Offer an explanation and let it go- Communication is key. It might be important for you to clarify why you are choosing whatever it is for your family’s holiday. Make sure to explain with confidence and then let it go. Not everyone will understand your plan or endorse it, but they will respect it if you set healthy limits and refuse to negotiate. 

Refuse to feel bad about what’s best for your family- You can’t please all the people all the time. Some people are unable or unwilling to give others the grace and freedom to do what’s best for them. It’s ok if someone is upset with your decision as long as you have made things clear, concise, and are being mature with your communication. Ultimately, you can’t control other people’s reactions, you can only control your own.  

If you need to reduce your stress this season by creating a holiday plan that’s perfect for your family but might ruffle some feathers, it’s important to put your family first and refuse to feel guilty. Healthy people will understand, and unhealthy people won’t. That’s ok. Doing what’s best for your family is nothing to be afraid of. 

A Guide to Improving Your Habits - Part Four

Making Habit Stacking Work For You 

Habit stacking happens when a habit becomes attached to another. For example, you get home from work and take off your shoes every day. You then make a habit of always putting your walking shoes on directly after and walking around the block for exercise. You’ve stacked these habits together. Habit stacking is useful because it makes forming a new habit easier. Habits are formed when, after time and repetition, your brain associates a certain trigger with behavior and a reward. Forming a completely new habit takes more time and energy than using a current habit to stack onto.

To stack a new desired behavior onto an existing one, first, make sure the two actions make sense and are feasible working together. Let’s say you’d like to start a habit of meal planning for the week. You have a habit of eating your lunch at your desk every day. You could stack the meal planning with your lunch break habit. These two actions work well together because you’re already sitting at a desk; you have the time to research recipes and to write them down.

Habit stacking works best when you start small and think of the behaviors as one habit. This way, you are more likely to be able to carry out the tasks without feeling overwhelmed. If they are viewed as one habit, you won’t have to remind yourself to do more than one thing and you’ll be more likely to succeed.

Another tip for stacking habits is to hook the habits to a trigger. This will help solidify the habits in your brain. Triggers can be any feeling or action really. Take your alarm clock for example. It rings in the morning to wake you up for work. Its ring triggers you to get up, make coffee, take a shower, etc. The actions you take after the alarm clock rings can be whatever you choose to make a habit of. If you want to start meditating for example, that action would stack well into your morning routine.

Habit stacking is an efficient way to start up a new good habit. When you start small, build onto a habit that exists already and view them as one action, hooking a new habit onto an existing one is faster and easier than starting a new habit altogether.


Write It Down - Why It’s Important To Put Your Plan For New Habits Into Writing

When attempting to change your current habits or start a new habit, writing down your intentions is an integral part of the process. Writing down your goals can be done in several ways. Use whatever method makes you most comfortable, whether it’s journaling, making a list, sticky notes, or by using a vision board, it’s up to you. When you are more comfortable, you are more likely to follow through. However you decide to record your goals for yourself, make sure your writings are placed somewhere that can be easily seen by you. Writing down and rereading your desired habits will help ensure success in achieving your goals in a couple of ways. 

When you write your goals down, it helps you remember to focus on them frequently, especially when you read over them regularly. When you are able to put them out as a reminder, that will help you stay focused too. Try a vision board that hangs in your bedroom, sticky notes on the fridge or a note in your car that you will easily see and reread it. Even if you're not consciously rereading them, simply seeing them written down will remind your brain of what you’ve written.

Writing down your plans for a new habit also helps encode the idea in your brain. Encoding is a brain process that allows an idea to be stored and recalled by long-term memory. If you’ve written your ideas down, your brain has a better chance of storing them in your long-term memory, giving you a better chance of long-term success and the ability to follow through.

Personal accountability is another reason why putting your plans into writing is important. When you write your goals down on paper, it’s almost like a promise to yourself. You are more likely to adhere to your plans when you’ve put them in writing. You are also more likely to feel motivated and committed to making the changes you’ve set for yourself. 

When your goals are clearly written and defined, it becomes easier to eliminate distractions. Distractions from your goal are best dealt with when planned for. Writing down your anticipated distractions and pitfalls with a plan to fight them, will help you stay on track also.

Although it takes a little extra time, writing down your goals has many benefits. It is an important part of goal setting and habit formation that will help you stay focused and give you a leg up achieving what you want.


Accountability Is The Key For Long Term Success 

Accountability is the act of taking responsibility for your own actions and results; results are the consequences of the actions. Being accountable for your own actions and the consequences that come along with them will ultimately empower you to make decisions that will produce the results you want. Simply put, when you are personally accountable, you are honest with yourself, therefore increasing your ability for succeed with your goals long-term. Staying accountable will help you focus, stay motivated and help keep you from slipping. There are some tricks that will help you achieve accountability for your new habits and will help them stick long-term. 

Start with smaller, mini-goals. Breaking down your goal into smaller, achievable steps will help you feel less overwhelmed, therefore produce more success. Celebrating these small successes along the way will give you more confidence and motivation. Hold yourself accountable during the process and you will find yourself more productive and ready to conquer your goal.

Accountability is made easier with a partner. An accountability partner is someone you’ve opened up to about your desired new habit or goal and is willing to help you through the process. Ideally, your partner should be committed and willing to give you unbiased feedback. Also, when you are responsible to answer someone else for your actions, you are more likely to stay on track to avoid having to tell your partner you didn’t hold up your end of the deal.

Self-examination is the study of your own behavior and actions. This skill is very important when it comes to long-term success with the new habit you want to form. Regularly reread what you’ve written about your goals. Think about what’s working and not working for you and be willing to adjust your behaviors accordingly. Although your goal will remain the same, your plans on how to achieve it may change depending on your experiences during the process. Think about what your stumbling blocks have been and make plans to overcome future pitfalls by thinking of solutions and how to put them to use.

Forming a new habit is not necessarily a short process. You must be willing to hold yourself accountable, be patient and flexible along the way. If you’re committed and follow through with your plans, you will achieve long-term success in forming your new habit.

Turn Your Habits Into Routines To Make Them Stick For Good 

A habit is a behavior that is done every day until it becomes nearly automatic and you’re able to do it without really thinking about it. A routine is a string of several actions that are always done in the same order. If you can build your good habits into a routine, you will essentially have a string of good habits or a “good routine.” These carefully planned out routines will be beneficial because you’ve specifically tailored them to yield positive results in your life.

Think about the routines you already have, for example, your morning routine. Most people’s morning routines consist of waking up to an alarm clock, showering, drinking coffee, getting ready for work and so on. You’ve put all of these actions together to form a routine that is done the same way each day. Routines are pre-planned out, so you don’t have to make a new plan every day. This helps you get all of the actions done without thinking about what to do next.

To turn your habits into a routine, first, you should think about which habits you want to put together. Next, you will need a plan of action. It always helps to write down your plans so that you can refer back to them later and to assist in comprehension. Your plan should consist of the order in which the actions make the most sense and what time of day you will do the routine. Your routine will be several habits that you already have, put together in a certain order and done that way every day until it essentially becomes a lifestyle.

Forming your “good routine” will take some time, so don’t give up too early. It’s said that a new habit takes 3 weeks to form. After a habit is formed, if you continue to perform the behavior for 90 more days, it is said to have become a lifestyle. This is called the 21/90 rule - 21 initial days to form the habit and another 90 to make it stick so well that it becomes your lifestyle. Our routines make us who we are or our lifestyle. So, set yourself up with planned out routines that make a positive impact on your life. You will be able to accomplish your goals and live a more positive, productive, and happier life.

Check-In Regularly To Catch Any Good Habit Slips 

Checking in with yourself regularly as you try to form new, good habits will help you catch slip-ups along the way. It’s important to try to catch your slips early because the more you slip up or let time go by without following through, the less likely you are to succeed in making the behavior a habit.


Everyone has an off day here and there, or maybe a day that you lost focus of your goals. It’s important though, to pick up focus and momentum on the very next day. Try hard not to let more than one day go by without skipping the habit you want to form. The more days that go by without the behavior, the longer it will take you to achieve the behavior as a habit.

Checking in is a form of accountability that is helpful, even necessary. It will take self-reflection and the ability, to be honest with yourself. Weekly self-check-ins will help you stay focused. You will need to think about the ways that you are working toward your goal and whether what you are doing is working for you or not. You will also need to think about some of the slip-ups you’ve made and determine why you weren’t able to follow through with your goal in that situation and how to change that the next time. Making a plan to change what you are doing if you discover it’s not working for you will cut down the number of slip-ups you have in the future. Writing this down in an accountability journal will help organize your thoughts and give you a reference for the next time you check-in with yourself.

Another form of checking could be with a partner. An accountability partner is someone who has agreed to help you stay committed to achieving your goal. A lot of times this is a reciprocal relationship and you will be helping your partner achieve their goals in the same way. When you know that you have someone that you have, to be honest with about your slip-ups, you actually become less likely to slip up. Checking in with your partner every few days or even once a day will ensure you stay focused on your goal of turning your desired behavior into a habit. 

Checking in with yourself or with someone else will keep you accountable and help set you up for success. The ability to be flexible when you notice something you are doing isn’t working to further your goal is a crucial part of forming your habit. This will enable you to cut down on the number of slip-ups and get you to your goal faster.

It’s Okay Not To Be Perfect All The Time 

Establishing good habits requires commitment, motivation, and hard work. The desire to better your life by examining which behaviors are yielding positive results and which aren’t is a daunting process. We all have days when we just don’t feel up to the task. That’s ok! It’s completely normal to not be perfect. In fact, perfection is less important than progress. As long as you’re moving forward, being flexible, and forgiving yourself, you are closer to establishing good habits that stick.

Slip-ups are to be expected when you are trying to establish a new habit. Moving forward from the slip-ups is progress toward your goal. If you get discouraged easily and give up, you are no longer moving forward, you are no closer to your goal. So, your attitude and persistence really end up determining your amount of progress. It’s a journey, not a race.

Flexibility is key in advancing toward your goal of good habits. When a slip-up happens, you will need to examine why it happened and make a plan of what you will do in the future. It may be that your former plan isn’t working, don’t be afraid to switch it up and be flexible. Your main objective should be to make a plan so that you can avoid the slip-up next time. So, your plan should be fluid, depending on what’s working and working for you.

Last but not least, forgive yourself for your missteps and move on! Beating yourself up does absolutely no good. In fact, your focus is to be on changing your life for the positive. So, allowing yourself to get down because of a few slip-ups is actually counterintuitive. Instead, use your slip-up as motivation to do better tomorrow. 
Establishing new habits takes time and slip-ups are complete to be expected. Perfection is overrated, it’s your attitude, perseverance, and willingness to progress that really matters. Remember that your goal should not be perfection. Rather, becoming self-aware and gaining the ability to use critical thinking when examining your habits should be. Put yourself in the driver's seat when it comes to your health and goals for your life. Take ownership and be willing to change your goals and plans along the way to tailor to your specific needs. Eventually, you will find yourself in a better place in your life than when you started.

Expect Stumbling Blocks And Learn To Overcome Them

There is really no part of life where challenges don't exist. We are constantly overcoming demanding situations. And although the size of the challenge may change, we should come to expect that things are not always easy. Challenges are a part of life! It’s no different when you are working toward building new, positive habits. There will be setbacks and stumbling blocks to face. The trick will be to learn how to overcome them and keep moving forward.

One of the first things you can do when you encounter a situation where establishing your new habit may be challenged is to evaluate the situation. Ask yourself a series of questions so that you understand the “why” of the stumbling block. Questions like "What is the challenge?” Why has it become a challenge as it relates to the habit I’m trying to form? What time of day did it happen? All of these questions will yield answers that will help you understand your setbacks and get you back on the right track. Journaling or writing down your questions and answers will help you analyze the information you come up with so that you can make a plan to move forward.

After you have gathered your information about how and why you slipped up, you can design ways to overcome those stumbling blocks and even foresee some that may happen in the future. For example, maybe you have a goal to get healthier. You’ve been eating right and exercising at least 5 days a week. In the first few weeks, you lost several pounds, which motivated you to stay focused. But, for the last two weeks, you haven't lost any more weight. You start to feel stagnant and feel tempted to give up because you’re no longer seeing results. This is a stumbling block that can be avoided if it’s planned for. Weight loss plateaus are common, so if you expected it ahead of time, you would be able to focus more on the long-term goal- resisting the temptation to give up too soon. Thinking about the situations you may be in ahead of time and accounting for them is really the key to learning how to overcome your stumbling blocks.

Lastly, make a resolve to never give up. The truth is that stumbling blocks are a part of life, no matter who you are. It’s how we deal with the challenges that define us. If you don’t give up on attempting to better yourself by forming good habits, you will become a person who lives life to the fullest.

Keep From Slipping Back Into Bad Habits By Setting Cutoffs

So, you’ve been working really hard on keeping up some of the good habit goals you’ve set for yourself. You’ve been self-aware, questioned yourself, planned for pitfalls, tracked your progress and so on. You’ve done everything right. You probably feel like you’d never go back to your old ways or bad habits because you’ve come so far. To an extent that’s true, we are more likely to stick with a new habit if it’s been used for longer than 4 months. Unfortunately, our old habits are still ingrained in us too. Slipping back to your old behaviors could happen before you even realize it. There are a few things you can do to help prevent this from happening.

One way is to use micro-goals or cut-offs. Micro goals can be used to help keep you from falling back into your old habits. An example of this is; your goal was to get healthy and lose a certain number of pounds. You’ve worked hard and achieved your goal, so now your goal is to maintain it. Sometimes there’s a slip-up or two per week with healthy food choices, and as we know, weight can fluctuate slightly week to week. So, a micro goal you could use to keep you from falling all the way back to where you were before you started could be something to the effect of, “If I get up to this weight, I will start working out at the gym for 20 minutes longer per workout.” You essentially give yourself a cut-off to keep you on track so that you don’t slip back into a bad habit.

Being aware of your mindset is an important way to keep from slipping also. Notice subtle behaviors you may be doing that indicate you are falling off track. Such as, having just one drink here and there, instead of not drinking at all if that was your goal. Or, starting to buy certain foods again that you swore off in an effort to lose weight. Keep a close eye out for permission-giving thoughts like, “It’s just this one time” or “I’ll get back to it next week, I’m tired, I need a break.” These thinking patterns are gateway thoughts that lead back to old or bad habits. Be mindful of enablers. People who don’t help you stay on track; rather they almost pressure you to slip backward again.

All of these things can help stop you from slipping back into your old ways. Don’t give up; keep striving for the betterment of your life through good habits.

A Guide to Improving Your Habits - Part Three

Create A Keystone Habit

A keystone is defined as a stone at the crown of an arch that locks the other pieces in place. As it relates to habits, a keystone habit is one that sets off a chain reaction of other habits related to it. Essentially a keystone habit helps hold the related habits in place. 

Keystone habits are like any other habit in that they can be considered good or bad. Good keystone habits evoke positive outcomes and set off a chain reaction of other habits that increase a person’s quality of life. Or they can be a bad keystone habit that ends up negatively affecting life and brings with it more bad habits.

Possibly the most well-known positive keystone habit is daily exercise. When you’re able to make daily exercise a habit, it most likely will become a keystone habit. In that, it will bring with it other positive habits. Let’s say you’ve spent the last month making sure you make time to go to the gym every single day, no matter what. The effort you put in translates to more related habits. Things like you stop eating out as much so that you can control your calorie intake more closely. This leads to spending less money because you’re cooking at home more often. And you end up cutting down on your alcohol consumption because you’re staying home more often. Because you exercise daily, you are more tired at the end of the day, so you start going to bed earlier and ultimately get a better night’s sleep. All of these smaller habits formed because of the daily exercise, making it a keystone habit.

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As many positive small habits that can come from a keystone habit such as daily exercise, the same can happen with a bad keystone habit. Take drug use, for example. The habit of abusing a drug daily can take over your life in such a way that most of your decisions become based on the addiction. Your life is negatively affected overall. 

Therefore, it’s very important to keep a close eye on your daily habits. Self-examination of habits and honesty with yourself is crucial, in an attempt to get rid of any habits, especially keystone habits that sabotage your happiness. Your goal should be to develop a positive keystone habit and let the smaller positive habits that come along with it bring you a happier, more fulfilled life.


Create A New Habit By Hitching It To An Existing One 

So, you’ve examined your daily habits and you have come to the conclusion that you would benefit from setting a new habit for yourself. You’re taking a positive step in the right direction. Everyone has some habits that could be ditched altogether or changed. Healthy habits heighten happiness. But, what’s the best way to go about forming a new habit?

We know that creating a new habit takes some time, at least three weeks. And to create a novel habit, you’ll have to repeat the behavior enough times to form new neurological pathways in the brain. Oftentimes, it’s easier and takes less time to create a new habit by building it onto an existing one. Essentially using an existing habit as the trigger for the new habit. When forming the new habit is perceived as easier, less intimidating, and less overwhelming the rate of success becomes higher. The chance that you will slip up or give up altogether decreases.

Building a new habit onto an existing habit can be done when you utilize a cue that already evokes a behavior. You can then add the new behavior to the existing habit. For example, you decide that you want to start a new habit of practicing gratitude. You would like to start a gratitude journal that you write in every morning. You already have existing habits in the morning you can build onto. A common morning habit is drinking a cup of coffee. So, one way to build your new habit into an existing one would be to keep your new gratitude journal next to the coffee maker. Every morning, as you drink your coffee, you are reminded to write in your journal. Eventually, writing in the gratitude journal every morning becomes a habit as you drink your coffee.

Starting a new habit that sticks and changing existing habits can be tricky. We, as humans are said to be creatures of habit. In fact, some studies show that our daily behaviors are about 40% done out of habit. Changing habits requires conscious decisions and effort. But, by adding a new habit onto an already existing habit, changing your routine is made easier. Therefore, you will be more likely to stick with this new desired habit and less likely to give up or to have slip-ups along the way.

Plan Ahead And Set Yourself Up For Success

It’s important to frequently self-analyze to assess whether or not the habits you have been working for you. Overall happiness is directly related to our habits. After all, the behaviors we perform every day make us who we are. But, sometimes keeping good habits is easier said than done. In fact, it’s reported that about 85% of New Year’s Resolutions fail. There are some things you can do to set yourself up for success and end up having a better chance of having your desired habit stick. Planning ahead will help set you up for success with your desired habit.

If you’re able to foresee some of your possible stumbling blocks, you can have a plan ready to fight against them. As an example, let’s say that your goal is to make it a habit to eat more fresh foods and smaller portions overall. Think about situations when doing so would be difficult and come up with a plan. For example, if you want to eat less processed foods and more fresh foods, keep less processed foods available. This way you won’t be as tempted if the foods you’re trying to stay away from aren’t in the cupboard. Similarly, if you want to be in the habit of eating more fresh foods, that’s what you should have readily available. Meal planning would make sense here too. If in the past, you like to reach for potato chips as a snack, have an alternative ready, like carrot sticks or sliced bell peppers. In order to combat the smaller portions part of the desired habit, some ways you can think ahead to success would be to use a smaller plate. Or even the plastic plates with dividers will help you keep the portions regulated.

In order to help you predict what some of the upcoming challenges might be, it may be advantageous to make a list. First, write down your desired habit. Then, think about the upcoming week. Try to put yourself in the scenarios that will likely come up, related to your goal and write them down. Are you planning to attend a party? Visitors coming into town? Are you working more or fewer hours than usual? Anything out of the ordinary might be a stumbling block unless you plan ahead. Write out a plan for the scenarios that may prove challenging for you and your new habit. Like, bringing your own food to the party. With a little forethought, you can combat some of your possible upcoming stumbling blocks and set yourself up for success in following through with your good habit.


Frequency Matters - Work on Daily Habits 

Habits are established through the repetition of a behavior every day until that behavior becomes almost automatic. The frequency of the behavior is a key component to habit formation. A new habit will form faster when the behavior is performed every single day as opposed to a few times a week. This is one of the reasons that you should start small when it comes to habit change. 

Focusing on one habit at a time will improve your chances of following through with the frequency of the habit you are trying to form. You will attain your goal of making the behavior a habit faster if the behavior is repeated daily. An example of attempting too much change at once, making it harder to change at all, might be; you try to start exercising daily, stop biting your nails and cut out sugar. The chances that you will be able to do all of these new behaviors as frequently as every day decreases, and so does the chance that you will follow through and succeed in making them a habit. Instead, it’s more effective to focus on one new habit at a time.  

Once you have decided which one behavior you want to start with, it’s important that you perform the habit every day. Putting some reminders to use will help you follow through as well. You can write notes to yourself and put them in places that will help you stay on track. You can enlist the help of friends or family to help support you or even set an alarm on your phone. Whatever it takes to perform the behavior as frequently as every day. This will help embed the behavior in your brain and ensure that it becomes a habit as fast as possible. Even after doing something every day, forming a new habit can take as long as 3 weeks. So try to stay patient and on track with your goal. If you are able to continue the behavior past the 3 month mark, it becomes more likely the habit will become a lifestyle

Remember, we all have setbacks here and there. When that happens, get right back up and start again the next day. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just keep reaching for your goal of everyday frequency and eventually, the behavior will become a habit, possibly even a lifestyle.

Remove Temptations And Stumbling Blocks

We live in a world where you can get nearly whatever you want, almost instantly. When trying to focus on starting up a good habit, temptations can make it difficult. They seem to be everywhere and can be very easy to give in to. Although temptations can prove to be stumbling blocks for good habits, there are several things you can do to help you stay away from them.

First, establish the new behavior you want to make a habit of. Once you have decided on the desired habit, you will need to discover your possible temptations and stumbling blocks. It may be helpful to write these out. Oftentimes, by writing out obstacles and solutions we are able to wrap our brains around them easier. Temptations are personalized to you, what might be a pitfall for someone else, might be no problem for you. So, the point is to think about what will make following through with this new habit difficult for you. 

Once you’ve recognized your possible pitfalls, you can make a plan to get rid of them or try to overcome them. Getting rid of temptations might be as easy as simply not buying certain foods anymore or setting out workout clothes the night before. But, most likely there will be temptations and possible stumbling blocks that won't be so easy to get rid of. Planning for these will help you greatly in securing your success with habit formation. The company we keep tends to have an influence on our behaviors. Talking to your family and friends about your goals and explaining how they can assist you with stumbling blocks can be helpful as well. Maybe your family will help by deciding to eat better with you, eliminating junk foods at home. Or, a friend may want to cut back on overspending at restaurants too and you can enjoy a night watching movies at home. 

Temptations are a given when trying to change our habits. It’s imperative that you discover your possible pitfalls. Once these stumbling blocks are identified, planning for them is the key to combating them. No one is perfect. If you find that you have given in to whatever temptation it is that can derail your progress toward your goal, don’t give up. Tomorrow is another day to try again. Who you are as a person boils down to the things we choose to do every day. So, good habits should be something all of us strive for.

A Guide to Improving Your Habits - Part Two

The Importance Of Accountability When It Comes To Breaking Bad Habits 

If you are serious about breaking a bad habit, then you will need to embed some accountability for yourself into your plan. Accountability means holding yourself responsible for your behaviors. Being accountable for your choices and behaviors will help you truly rid yourself of the bad habit by reinforcing your commitment to change. There are several things you can do to help you hold yourself accountable. No one said it would be easy. All of these methods require vigorous self-honesty and the intention to follow through. 

You can keep a journal. Writing your behaviors down helps hold you responsible for them. You may find that having to write down your behavior may curb the undesired habit because putting it in writing makes it undeniable. Journaling will also help you track your progress toward your goal. You can even build in some rewards for yourself that will keep you motivated. 

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Enlisting the help of friends or family to hold you accountable will work too. Tell a few of the closest people to you about your commitment to change this behavior. Ask them to either call you, meet with you or text you to help keep you on track. It will help to agree on a set check-in time every day. Your accountability partners will help support you and hold you responsible for the actions you choose.

Find a support group. Support groups exist, depending on the habit you want to break. Being able to be in a group situation where everyone has the same goal as you do is comforting. It helps you know that you’re not alone in your commitment to ditching this bad habit. The group helps each other stay accountable and helps reinforce each member’s pledge to change.

Staying accountable for your behaviors is an integral part of breaking your bad habits. As mentioned, change is only possible with true commitment and honesty with yourself. Without honesty, there is no accountability. All of this requires diligence and effort. But, you will eventually find yourself in a better place because of your own hard work. You will be able to say that you improved your quality of life. It will be worth the commitment you put in.

Forgiveness Is Key For Long Term Success In Breaking Bad Habits 

No one is perfect. Everyone has some habits they’d like to improve on and that’s totally normal. Imperfection is one of the things all humans have in common. A bad habit is classified as a repeated behavior that negatively impacts one’s life. So, although we all have bad habits to some extent, when a person has too many bad habits, they aren't able to live their life to the fullest potential. On the other hand, when better habits are practiced daily, overall quality of life improves. This is why we should be regularly examining ourselves to be sure that we are living the best version of life possible.

Self-reflection is necessary to gauge your life and decide which habits are with keeping and which ones you likely should move away from. Once you decide which bad habits need to be broken in order to improve your life, the hard work begins. When habits are formed, so are new neurological pathways. When you break yourself of a bad habit, you must retrain your brain away from those formed pathways. Everyone has heard the sayings, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or “Old habits die hard.” They are common sayings because retraining your brain to start a new habit or to stop an existing habit is not easy. 

Breaking a bad habit isn’t fast either. Some studies suggest it takes about 21 days to break a habit. So, be patient with yourself and don’t expect instant results. One of the main rules to live by when committing to change your habits is to not be too hard on yourself. Perfection should not be the goal, rather self-improvement should be. Nearly everyone slips up at some point, maybe even multiple times. When you fall off course, it's imperative that you don’t give up. It’s never too late to try again tomorrow. Remember to forgive yourself and keep moving forward.

Forgiving yourself for possible slip-ups is key in the long-term success of breaking a bad habit. It does you absolutely no good to be too hard on yourself. Sitting in your negativity is unhealthy and unproductive. When you slip, get right back up and start again. Keep focusing on your long-term goals and move on.

How Do You Go About Forming A New Habit? 

Habits are like rituals that we perform daily without having to give much thought to the behavior. Everyone has habits, good and bad. They affect our lives and contribute greatly to who we are. Starting a new habit isn’t always easy. It will take effort to make this desired behavior part of your everyday life. There are a few steps you can take that will help you form a new habit.

First, you need to set your goal by deciding on the one, and only one, new habit you want to form. Centering on just one new behavior at a time will increase your chances of success with forming the habit. If you try to change too many things about your routines at once, change becomes much less likely. Really focus on the one new habit you want to integrate into your daily life.

After deciding on the one new habit you want to have, you need to commit to sticking with it for at least a month. That means doing everything in your power to make sure you perform that specific behavior daily for thirty days. It’s been said that habit change takes hold in no less than 21 days. So, do your best to ingrain this habit into your everyday life for at least that long to ensure it sticks.

Another thing you can do to help ensure your new habit sticks is called habit stacking. It’s done by attaching the new, desired habit to an already existing one. Habit stacking makes it easier to remember to perform your new habit and helps instill it in your brain. So, say you want to start a new habit of daily mindful meditation. Try attaching meditation to the routine of brushing your teeth in the morning. After you brush your teeth, that’s always when you meditate. If you find a way to stack the new habit into an existing habit, you will have a greater chance of success. 

Anticipate possible obstacles. There will be bumps in the road when it comes to trying to form a new habit. If you’re able to identify obstacles ahead of time, you can plan ways to overcome them before they happen.

Make small goals within your larger goal and reward yourself for staying on track. Giving yourself smaller goals to achieve along the way and rewarding yourself for those achievements will help solidify the new habit you want to form.

Forming a new habit requires time and some conscious effort. If you follow some of these basic steps you can take control of your daily habits, ultimately making you a happier person. 


Changing A Habit Vs. Creating A New Habit 

If you’ve given your habits some thought and you’ve decided that you would benefit from changing a few things, you’re not alone. No one is perfect, so most people would benefit from rearranging some of their habits. You have two choices when it comes to changing your habits; you can create a new habit altogether or you can choose to change an existing habit. 

Habits are formed as a result of something called a habit loop. Within the habit loop, there are three components, the cue, the behavior, and the reward. Neurological pathways are formed as habits are formed. Habits actually change your brain. Needless to say, this takes time. Most studies show that forming a new habit takes a minimum of three weeks. Cues or triggers are the signals to the behavior that is the habit. Changing an existing habit will involve using an existing cue. For instance, you’re bored, so you find yourself mindlessly snacking. Boredom is the cue, snacking is the behavior or habit.

So which way is best, creating a new habit or changing an existing one? Both can be achieved with persistence and commitment. But arguably, changing an existing habit is easier and somewhat faster. Because forming a new habit requires the brain to form new neurological pathways which happen when behavior is consistently repeated daily, forming new habits takes longer. When you try to change an existing habit, the brain is already trained to act on that specific cue. You work with the cue that exists; you’ll just need to change the habit itself. An example of changing an existing habit is, when you are bored, instead of reaching for a mindless snack, go for a walk around the block. Boredom is the cue; you now need to change the habit that exists.

Whether you choose to change an existing habit or to create a new habit, taking a closer look at your routines and changing them where necessary is a step in the right direction. All of us could benefit from more self-analysis. If you notice that you’ve formed a habit that doesn’t enrich your life or that negatively affects you, taking steps to rewire your brain will only lead toward self-improvement. 

When It Comes To Habits, Smaller Is Better 

We’ve trained our brains for certain behaviors using repetition and what’s known as “the habit loop.” This loop involves a trigger, a behavior, and a reward. Consequently, changing an existing habit or starting a new habit is pretty difficult. One of the main components to success in doing so is to start small. Using smaller steps that you can build on, will help you avoid slip-ups and enable you to reward yourself more along the way. Both of which enable you to achieve your goal more quickly and at a higher success rate.

When it comes to habits, starting with smaller goals and using them to build up to your ultimate goal is more effective than trying to accomplish the entire goal all at once. These mini-goals should be ones that you can tackle pretty easily. With the achievements that mini-goals allow, there is less room to slip up. Slip-ups, like not following through or giving up, are decreased when you feel like you're achieving. An example of this would be, you want to make running a habit and your goal is to be able to run a 5k. It wouldn’t make sense to start out day 1 and try to run 3 miles. It would be better to start small-maybe run half a half-mile and walk the rest of the way, slowly working up to running the full 3 miles. Since the goals are smaller, they’re much less overwhelming, therefore setting you up for better overall success and fewer slip-ups.

Taking smaller steps in order to achieve your ultimate goal will give you the opportunity to reward yourself along the way. Rewards help the brain solidify habits. The more you successfully achieve these mini-goals, the more that specific habit becomes ingrained. One reward that’s easy to use is logging your accomplishments. This not only makes you feel great, it is perceived as a reward by your brain. More obvious rewards can also be used, especially when the reward refers directly to the goal. Buy yourself the new pair of running shoes you’ve been holding off on or new earbuds made for running.

Small goals are important when trying to form new and change old habits. Things such as mini-goals and use of a reward system will help you achieve your goals. Ultimately, turning the mini-goals into full-blown habits that you do every day with little effort.

A Guide to Improving Your Habits - Part One

What Are Habits?

Habits are behaviors we perform daily and with little thought process to do so. It’s almost as if some of our daily habits are done automatically. We often classify habits as either being good or bad. There are also everyday habits that allow us to carry out essential activities, most of us have, that are simply our routines.

Everyone has habits. From what time we go to sleep or wake up in the morning, to what time we eat our meals or even tie our shoes - these are all actions we perform daily without even thinking about them. Good habits are categorized as behaviors that benefit our lives. Eating right, getting enough sleep, being financially responsible, and staying active daily are some habits that are generally considered good. Conversely, bad habits are behaviors that don’t enrich our lives or no longer work for us. Some examples of bad habits are, fingernail biting, the overindulgence of food or alcohol and drug use. These are learned behaviors that don’t benefit our lives. Then, there are daily routines that become habits too. Like the coffee you always buy from the same coffee shop on the way to work, or what time your body wakes up naturally every day or even the way you put your clothes on in the morning. 

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There are several reasons why we use habits and why they are important. We use habits to make our lives easier. For instance, think about the simple task of brushing your teeth. You don’t have to concentrate on how to brush your teeth every day; you just do it out of habit. 

When we do things out of habit, our brains are allowed a break. Performing these tasks allows the brain to allocate more energy to focus on complex tasks and decisions. So, habits are actually important for brain function.

Habits are hard to break, whether they’re daily tasks or good or bad. Similarly, new habits are hard to form. Doing so requires a conscious effort. Lots of times, people end up going back to their old habits, even after trying hard to form new ones. This is why losing weight or breaking addiction is so hard. Changing your habits, changes the way your brain works, it’s no simple task. 

Habits can be anything we do daily, from the mundane tasks to the decisions we make every day that affect your life. Habits can be considered good or bad, but we know that they are an important part of how our brains work. We can choose our habits in order to live a healthier lifestyle.

Habits Aren’t Inherently Good Or Bad 

Habits are behaviors that are done every day that require little thinking or concentration. Habits include all sorts of activities. They can range from getting dressed or sleeping habits to what we eat and to smoking or substance addiction. Most people would classify their habits into two categories, good and bad. But, our habits aren't necessarily inherently good or bad. What actually categorizes good and bad habits has more to do with how these behaviors affect our lives and our goals we’ve set for ourselves. Most behaviors can be considered good or bad, depending on two factors. These factors are frequency of the behavior and how the behavior affects us. 

Frequency of the behavior refers to how often that habit is carried out. So, take exercise, for example. Being in the habit of exercising daily is considered a good habit because of its many health benefits, like sleeping better, increased positive mood and maintaining a healthy weight. But, even exercise can become a bad habit if the frequency of the task is overdone. In some cases people exercise too much, several times a day, putting strain on the bodies or becoming overly focused on how their body looks. 

The other factor in classifying what is considered a good or bad habit is how the habit affects us and the goals we’ve set for ourselves. Good habits enrich our lives and further us to our goals. Smoking cigarettes is considered a bad habit because smoking doesn’t enrich life; rather it negatively affects our health. The way we spend the money we make is another example. Spending money is necessary to live in our society. Many people have a goal of buying a home, so a common goal is to save money for a down payment. When the habit of spending starts to negatively affect our goals, it becomes classified as a bad habit.

Most people go through life with both good and bad habits. Those habits may change, depending on where you’re at in your life. Although habits are hard to change, they can be done. The point should be to have the good habits outweigh the bad. By making conscious decisions about which habits you would like to live with, you will ultimately enrich your life. Set goals for yourself. You can achieve your goals by putting your good habits to use.

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Figuring Out What Habits Are Working For You And Which Ones Aren’t  

The definition of a habit is a behavior that is repeated daily and that is done with little to no thinking involved. We all have habits. Classification of our habits ranges from good, healthy habits to bad habits that can be dangerous and hinder our lives. Most people would agree that good habits are the ones we strive for. But, how can we identify which habits we have and if they are working to further us or working against us? And how can we turn our not-so-good habits into great ones that will help us attain our goals?

One way to identify which habits you have is to audit your behaviors. If you take a few minutes per day for a week to jot down your activities, then you will be able to distinguish which habits you have. Once you understand the behaviors that you tend to repeat every day, you will be able to judge which habits are desirable for you and which may not be.

Desirable habits are those that positively impact your life and help you reach your personal goals. This may take some time and self-reflection. Think about what you want to achieve. An easy way to help organize your thoughts is to make a list of goals or what you want to change about yourself. Once you’ve done so, you can classify your habits into ones that will help you get to your goal or hinder you from doing so. For instance, many people would like to improve their overall health by losing a few pounds. If that is the goal you aim for, after auditing your habits, take a good look at how you can make some changes to your everyday life to help you get there. Maybe you notice that every day at 4:00 you get hungry and end up stopping on the way home from work at a drive-thru for fries and a drink. You can change that habit by planning ahead and packing a granola bar or some fruit to eat on the way home to tide you over instead. Or you may decide that if you wake up an hour earlier, you can go on a walk before work to burn some calories.

Figuring out which habits work positively for you and which ones don’t is the first step in bettering your life. A few changes to your usual routine can make a difference and get you closer to your goals.

Deciding What Bad Habit You Want To Break First

Identifying your habits is the first step towards gaining healthier habits that work for you, not against you. Once you have your habits identified, you can analyze which habits you'd like to keep and which ones you may want to rid yourself of. Most everyone has some sort of habit they’d like to change. How do we know which negative behavior we want to change first?

Bad habits range in severity. If any of your behaviors are detrimental to your health, start with that first. In some cases, you may need the help of a counselor to do so, if you cannot on your own. Take quitting smoking for example, if you notice that every day after lunch you want to smoke a cigarette, try replacing that desire with something else. Instead of reaching for the cigarette, chew a piece of gum or call a family member that you know supports your decision to quit. Even if you cut down on a few a day, you are closer to your goal.

Next, you should choose to break habits that hold you back from happiness. A pretty common example of a habit that will affect your happiness is negative self-talk. Oftentimes, people do this without even realizing it. Making a conscious effort to remain positive will greatly improve overall mood and happiness. Affirmations are positive sentences that you can repeat to yourself several times a day. This helps keep positivity on track and ultimately helps you reach your goals.

It’s important to not change too many habits at once. Start by picking one habit you want to change that you believe is detrimental to you moving forward toward your goal. Try making a few changes to that one bad habit that you've picked. Let’s say your goal is to get healthier physically by starting to go for a walk every morning. Start small, like a short walk around the neighborhood instead of expecting to start with a five-mile walk. Set small goals that will eventually lead you to your ultimate goal.

Finally, don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone has habits they would like to change. The first step is to acknowledge the habits you want to change. Then, you will be able to move forward in achieving your goals. 

The Basics Of Breaking Bad Habits 

We know that everyone has habits. Some habits are considered “good” because they make a positive impact on your life. Other habits are considered “bad,” as the behavior doesn’t improve your life or get you closer to your goals. In many cases, bad habits can pose a negative effect on your life. Bad habits can hold us back from achieving what we really want. Changing your bad habits in an effort to enrich your life isn’t necessarily easy. As the old saying goes, “old habits die hard.” Although breaking a bad habit may be tough, it’s not impossible.

The first action to take in order to break a bad habit is habit recognition. You must realize the behaviors you repeat daily and decide whether they are helpful to you or if they create a barrier to your goals. Auditing your habits can be made easier by logging your behaviors for a week and then reflecting on which habits you want to change. Once you’ve identified a behavior that you would like to change, there are some strategies you can use to break your bad habit.

Let’s imagine that after logging your habits, you come to the conclusion that you feel that you drink too much coffee in the morning. You’ve decided you want to change that behavior. One strategy that may help you change your habit is to come up with a substitute for it. Many times, part of what drives our habits is physical. Like the physical feeling of holding a warm mug and drinking something soothing and hot in the morning. Try to mimic that physical sensation, but with something else. If you substitute your daily coffee with hot tea, for example, you can keep the physical feeling, while becoming healthier and achieving your goal of less coffee consumption.

Another strategy that can help you kick a bad habit is to get rid of as many triggers as possible. After identifying what your bad habit is, think about how you feel before that behavior- that’s the trigger. If the bad habit is biting your nails, for instance, you may feel stress or anxiety before you start the behavior. Stress would be the trigger. Find other ways to manage your feelings and behaviors when a specific trigger comes up.

Start small. Do not try to make a list of ten behaviors you want to change and try to change them all at once. That will set you up for failure. Instead, start by trying to slowly break one bad habit. Breaking your habit slowly will ensure a higher success rate. So, if you want to become more active, start with 15 minutes of activity, not by trying to run a 5k. Remember to forgive yourself and move forward if you revert to your bad habit. It’s never too late to try again.

Why It Takes So Long To Break Bad Habits 

Humans are creatures of habit. And if you’ve ever tried to break a bad habit you’ve had, you know it’s not an easy task. Habits are behaviors that have been repeated so often that they become almost like second nature. We no longer have to think about doing them. This is great if the behavior is a desirable one, such as eating healthy regularly. But, when the behavior is perceived as negative, that habit should be changed in order to achieve a positive outcome. Easier said than done, because habits are so ingrained in us, they actually affect your brain.

Habits are formed when a certain cue or trigger occurs, which in turn, enacts a behavior and then the brain receives a reward. And this happens so repeatedly, that the person no longer has to think about the behavior, it seems to occur automatically. Habits are hard to break because to do so, you’ll need to retrain your brain.  Retraining your brain is difficult, but it definitely can be done, it just takes some time. Some actions you can take to get started on breaking a bad habit are:

Changing your environment- If you’re able to change your surroundings, even slightly, you will reduce the number of triggers you experience. You can do that by taking a different route to work, going on a mini-vacation, or changing up your everyday routine. This will disrupt the habit that your brain is used to. With fewer triggers, less reaction to the trigger, and less reward to the brain from the behavior.

Reward yourself for good behaviors- As I said before, your brain is rewarded after a trigger induces a behavior. So, when you successfully avoid the behavior you want to break, reward yourself instead. Eventually, the brain will be retrained away from the habit you desire to break.

Get support- Surround yourself with like-minded people. If you are constantly with people who have the same bad habit like the one you want to break, it's most definitely going to be harder to quit. Even reaching out to a family member or friend by phone or text will help get your mind off of your habit and help remind you of your goals.

Be realistic- Don’t set yourself up for failure by expecting too much change, all at once. Start small and work up to your desired goal. Know that breaking a habit takes time, don’t expect instant change.

If you hope to break a bad habit and are serious about getting results, follow these steps. You will be on your way to positive change.

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Simple Hacks To Catch Yourself In A Bad Habit 

Nearly everyone has a habit that they would like to kick. Whether it’s drinking less caffeine, to stop biting fingernails, stop overeating or exercising more, the list goes on and on. One of the reasons we have bad habits is because the behavior often feels good or serves a purpose. So, the goal of breaking a bad habit is to retrain the brain into not using the behavior as a reward. First, you’ll need to identify the bad habit you want to break and why. Once you start on the path of trying to break your bad habit there are a few simple hacks that can be used to help you along the way.

Reminders are another little hack you can use. Reminders can be used in several ways. You can set an alarm on your phone that rings once or several times a day to help you keep focus. You can enlist the support of a friend or family member to help remind you of your goal. You can use handwritten reminders, such as post-it notes around the house. Some people prefer more discrete reminders, like putting a little mark on their hand, for example, and whenever they see it, they remember the goal they want to achieve. 

There are some physical hacks that can be used to break a habit as well. Techniques like tapping have been used with success. Tapping is the practice of tapping your fingertips on specific meridian points on your body. It’s generally used as a therapy technique to help with anxiety, fear, and achieving one’s goals. You can use tapping to help you break a bad habit. One way to do so is, when you feel the urge or the trigger to perform the unwanted behavior, you score your urge on a scale from 1-10. Then, then you start tapping. After you tap for 30 seconds, you score your urge again. In many cases, the urge score has decreased significantly. You can repeat this process until your urge has decreased enough that you are able to move on in that moment without performing the undesired behavior.

Another physical hack used to catch yourself in a bad habit and curb it, is the rubber band method. You can put a semi-loose rubber band around your wrist. When you get the urge to act on a bad habit, you pull the rubber band slightly and let it snap back on your wrist. This technique is not designed to hurt. Its purpose is to remind and distract away from unwanted behavior.

Breaking habits is not necessarily simple. But, these hacks will help you stay on course along the way, once you decide on your goal of breaking a specific bad habit.

Identifying Triggers For Bad Habits And Avoiding Them 

A trigger is defined as an event that kicks off the automatic urge to complete a habit. People might think of triggers as major life events. However, that’s not necessarily the case as it relates to habits. A trigger can be something so small, you don’t even recognize it. But, as small as they can be, identifying the triggers is an important part of changing your habits. Habits are said to form in what’s known as a habit loop. A habit loop is a neurological loop that consists of three parts; a trigger, a behavior, and a reward. If breaking a bad habit is your goal, you must first identify the triggers and ultimately try to avoid or negate them.

In order to identify what triggers your bad habits, you need to make a habit log. Write down all of your activities for a week including time of day and where you are during the activities. After completing the log for a week, you will need to analyze your habits. Next, decide what bad habit you’d like to change. Now that you understand what habits you have and what habits you want to change, you can begin to identify what triggers the habit.

Identifying the triggers requires a bit of self-reflection. Let’s imagine the habit you’d like to change is nail-biting. Think about where you were when you logged the times you bite your nails. Is there a commonality? A location could be the trigger, such as driving in the car. Also, think about how you were feeling directly before the behavior. For example, were you stressed because you were thinking about work? Most likely, you will be able to find commonalities that led you to the behavior- these are the triggers.

Now that you’ve identified the triggers, you’ll need to decide how to deal with them. Depending on the circumstances, you can either stop the trigger or you can change the behavior that the trigger induced. For instance, say the bad habit you want to break is the overuse of checking your phone. You realize you tend to check your phone a lot at night before bedtime. You could get rid of your phone, but that doesn’t seem reasonable. Substituting the behavior with something else or changing up your bedtime routine makes more sense, in this case. Changing up your routine might be something like leaving your phone in the kitchen instead of the bedside table overnight. Or you can buy a new book you’re interested in and decide to read instead of check emails and social media.

It’s said that triggers are the key to existing habits and in forming new ones. If breaking a bad habit is your goal, identifying the triggers is the first step.

How to Improve Your Side Hustle Marketing - Part Four

Improve Your Offers

What Are You Offering?

As a product seller and promoter, you need to know what you’re promoting and offering to your audience. The best way to do this is to map the offers that you have for your ideal customer’s entire buying journey. When you do this, you should know which offers you’re making during each stage, whether it’s when they gain awareness or if it’s when they’re ready to make a purchase or whether it’s after the purchasing. 

You’ll end up with a list of offers that you can track. You’ll want to create an inventory of every single offer you have, whether it’s free, an affiliate offer, or a paid offer that you created. An excellent way to do it is to create a spreadsheet arranged with each stage of the buying journey matched with your offers. Include links to the offer page, landing pages, and affiliate products so that it’s easy to share at any point you want to. 

Once you organize your offers, you can more easily notice where you have gaps in your offers. For example, are there some intermediate levels or beginning levels of products and information you can offer within the buying journey? Maybe you have a lot of lower-cost products that can be turned into a more lucrative membership website? Perhaps you’ll notice a gap in your higher-priced options. The best way to not only get ideas for more offers but to track, tweak, and improve the offers you have is to know what you have first. 

Even when you offer digital products, you should consider them to be part of your inventory. All businesses that have products to sell keep track of their inventory. Your information product business, content marketing business, or even service-based business should be treated the same so that you know what you’re offering to them when you’re offering it, why you’re offering it, and more. That information will help you improve your profit margins exponentially. 

Once you have your product inventory set up, now you can more easily monitor the results you’re getting from making offers. Can you improve the SEO for your sales pages? Can you create more blog content to teach your audience about the problems that they have that your solutions solve? You can when you know what’s happening, and the only way to know what’s happening is to get your inventory organized. The best way to do it is to organize it based on your ideal customer’s buying journey. 

When you get organized, you’ll be able to manage brand consistency, maximize your internal processes, save time and money, and be able to easily tell customers what you offer and how you can help them right now. By using the right systems, you’ll improve all your offers in every way possible. Without a plan, it’ll be a lot harder to be consistent. 

Audit Your Sales Pages

When you create a sales page, you must use all the tactics you can to ensure it provides the results you’re looking for. These ideas can help you stop leaks in your sales process. You can use the information to create a new sales page as well as to tweak existing ones to make them better. You can use this information for all your landing pages, not just specifically sales pages, to improve.

Audit These Sales Page Elements

  • Your Offer and Benefits – How does your offer differentiate your brand from the competition? Are there any specific emotions you’d like to elicit from site visitors to drive your prospects to buy? Are there any triggers at all that may lead your prospects to buy the offer? Does the offer match the intended audience where they are in their buying journey? Plus, what does the product really do for your buyers? They need to know what’s in it for them.


  • The Call to Action – Is your CTA visible enough? Is your headline compelling? What are the benefits, and are they included near your CTA to remind your audience? To better frame your CTAs, you’ll need to know the answer to “What do you want them to do next?” If there is an incongruency with the CTA and the audience, it can cause lower sales margins.


  • Trust Building and Social Proof – What do you have added to your sales page that tells your audience you’re trustworthy? You’ll need testimonials, a privacy policy, and a guarantee that builds trust in the buyer. If they don’t believe you, they’re not going to buy it.


  • Visual Elements – The way your sales page looks is essential too. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel here. Instead, you need to create sales and landing pages that are familiar to your audience. Who your audience is will inform you how far you can go with technology and the look. The navigation, the size of the buttons, the colors, and all that matter very much when it comes to sales pages.


  • Page Abandonment – Checking out how many people just get there and then leave the page either by abandoning the page entirely (bouncing) or by filling a shopping cart and leaving. Why and how your audience is leaving your sales page will inform the improvements you can make.


  • Subject Matter Continuity – The other thing to double-check is, does the marketing information you provide your audience on your blog, in advertisements, on social media, and so forth match the sales page you’re delivering to the audience? If there is a problem with subject matter continuity, it will confuse people who click through to the sales page. Make sure there is information continuity.


To ensure you get these elements of your sales pages right, you’ll want to know who your ideal customer is so that you know for sure the offers you’re making are just for them. Your audience needs to know the benefits of the offer and exactly why it’s going to solve their problems while also feeling trust enough to spend money or give away their personal information to you. Your sales pages can accomplish this if you take the time to know the audience and know your products well enough to explain them on your sales pages fully. 

Crafting And Testing Different Headlines

Every time you create a sales page, just like when you write a blog post or an email message, you must write a headline that will get clicks from your ideal audience. If you craft the headline wrong, you may get clicks from the wrong audience. The wrong people clicking through will not increase sales. Therefore, you need to ensure your headlines match the intent of your audience that you want to come to the sales page. 

The best way to fix your headlines is to test them. After considering your audience and who you want to see the sales page or landing page, after brainstorming at least 20 to 50 headlines for each sales page, choose three to five headlines for your sales page to test.

Essentially, you’ll have three to five different headlines, but the sales page will be exactly the same otherwise. Testing them at the same time is usually best, but you can also just do one at a time while tracking to see what works and what doesn’t work. 

When you write your headlines, throw out the lessons you learned in English class, and focus instead on marketing. The fact is only about two percent of those who read your headlines are going to click through, but you can improve it over time if you work toward it. 

  • Use Pronouns to Talk Directly to Your Audience – It’s okay to use words like “you” in your content and especially on your sales pages and in headlines. You want to talk directly to your audience just like I am doing right now when I mention you in this sentence.

  • Promise a Valid Solution to Their Pressing Problems – Your audience, as much as they may love you, only care about what’s in it for them. What problem will you solve with your solution? Tell them right in the headline. “Use This Method to Sleep Soundly Every Night.”

  • Give Your Customers Hope for a Better Future – Tell them the results of the solution you’re offering to them in the headline. “Lose 20 Pounds by Christmas” is straight forward and tells them their future will be better.

  • Tell Them How to Do something Better or Best – Studies show that when an audience sees words like “better” or “best,” they tend to click on the link more often. However, don’t trick them. Make sure your headline matches what you deliver to them.

  • Provide Evidence for Supporting Your Assumptions – If you can put any proof or stats in your headline that is always interesting to your audience.

  • Give Advice – When you give advice and are an expert, people often listen. “Why You Should Stop Doing This One Thing Now.” Insert the one thing you want your audience to stop.

  • Get Personal – Share your experience with your audience in the headline. “What I Learned About Weight Loss the Hard Way.”

  • Keep Your Headlines Simple – You only have so much space for your headlines to show up in search results appropriately. Keep your headlines to the right length. This will require that you keep it simple.

  • Be Very Specific – The more specific you can make your headlines, the better. Leave out words that you don’t need to advance the meaning of the headline.

  • Don’t Be Passive – When you are writing any type of content, it’s best to avoid passive voice. Instead of worrying about this as you write, use your editing software like Grammarly or Word to help you locate and eliminate passive voice.

  • Brainstorm Every Headline – When you create a sales page, a blog post, or anything that needs a headline, try writing at least 20 to 50 of them for each page. The reason you want to write so many is that it will take time to get the right one, and through brainstorming, you’ll find it.

Finally, consider using technology to help you create better and more effective headlines. One such headline analyzer is at Advanced Marketing Institute. (https://www.aminstitute.com/headline/

In the meantime, read many headlines and practice writing them. Test them using Google Analytics to ensure they work for your needs. 

Time To Play With Pricing 

One of the ways to improve sales is to test out different price points. Often, when someone is not making enough money for the effort that they’re putting in, it’s usually due to using a poor pricing method. Inaccurate or not very well-planned pricing is especially true for digital product creators. We are all familiar with the cost of goods when it comes to a physical product, but digital products have a cost too even though that cost goes down per product the more you sell.

Calculating Profit 

When you calculate profit, you’ll want to reduce your revenue by what you spent to get the product ready for sale and to market it and sell it. For example, you have expenses for writers, content buying, editing, graphic design, and so forth for every single product you make. Even if you do it all yourself, you have spent your valuable time, and that should be included. 

You can use online calculators (https://www.calculatorsoup.com/calculators/financial/selling-price-calculator.php) to help, but most of the time, pricing, especially for digital products, isn’t as precise and you can actually play with these numbers to test your audience to find out what they’re willing to pay. Set your prices too low, and you may lose sales because they think the product is cheap, set your price point too high, and you may price out your audience. 

Pricing Your Products 

when you price your digital products, you’ll want to consider several factors:

  • The Cost to Create the Product – Remember to figure in your time and not just the direct financial costs. Your time is worth something too.

  • The Price Point Your Audience Can Pay – How much extra money your audience has to spend on things that they don’t need or something that they do need if you sell a commodity is also an important thing to know to help you price your products.

  • The Value the Product Provides the Buyer – If your product can save your buyers a substantial amount of money or time, that can also inform the price point.

  • The Amount You Want to Earn – This is an essential factor that is often left out when pricing something. If you know you’re going to get about 50 orders of anything you promote, due to checking your stats, that is a good way to determine how much you need to charge to make a good profit.

Once you’ve set your price points, you can test out different methods of payment, such as allowing your customers to pay monthly, quarterly, or yearly or even offer a onetime lifetime payment depending on the type of products you are promoting. For example, some prolific information marketers sometimes sell keys that entitle the buyer to everything they ever produce now and, in the future, to raise money. Often, they sell these keys for more than a grand each and limit the sales to five to ten people out of an audience of thousands. Another way to find out what price most of your audience wants to pay is to offer a “pay your own price” sale. Then change the price to the average amount your audience paid. As you work on pricing, think outside the box a little and remember to put your customers first but don’t discount the worth to your customers of you making enough money to keep existing. After all, they need you and your solutions. 

Could You Add A Bonus To Improve Conversions?

If you need a way to boost sales for either affiliate products or your own products, one effective way is to add a bonus. Bonuses will improve conversions because people love getting things for nothing. You can include both unannounced and announced bonuses in your sales to improve conversions. Let’s explore how this will work.

Brainstorming Your Bonuses 

The first thing you need to do is look at the main product you’re promoting on the sales page so that you can identify any additional information that will make it easier for your customers to use the solution in the product. 

For example, can you create a checklist, organize a spreadsheet for them, or provide a better step by step help? Maybe you can provide a case study with the product that shows the story of someone who used this solution? Bonuses are simply little extras that aren’t needed to make the main product work, but that enhances what is already being offered or makes what is being offered easier to implement. 

Create Your Bonus Offers

Once you get some ideas about what you can create to help your customer with their purchase, you may not even have to create it yourself. For example, if you are selling an information product about making money blogging, you might want to give them a content marketing calendar spreadsheet or a Trello.com template to get them organized. Maybe you have a list of products that they can buy and use that helps them implement your solution that you can give them. As long as the bonus makes things easier, then it qualifies as a bonus.

Test with and Without Bonus 

Even after you create the bonus, try running your offer via ads or content marketing to find out which version your audience prefers. If you change nothing else, do you sell more with the bonus offer mentioned, or do you sell more without mentioning the bonus item? Each audience responds differently, and the only way to know is to test them.

Test Different Names 

When you run tests, try giving your bonus offers different names. Some names may attract more of your audience than others. The main thing is to get the name right so that it really tells your customer what they’re getting in the bonus. Brainstorm as many names as you can, choose the top three or so, and then test how it works out for your audience. 

Test Placement of The Bonus 

The other factor you want to test as you add bonuses to your offers is how you mention it. Some people prefer to mention it on the sales pages, and some like to refer to it only in the cart. It really does depend on your own audience and how they respond. Try different methods of bonus add-ons to find out what works for your audience. 

You’ll also want to figure out the best way to deliver your bonuses. If it’s your own product, it’s easy enough to add the bonus to the package, but if you’re using a bonus to encourage affiliate sales, it will depend on the system your product creator uses. Sometimes you may have to get creative with how you distribute the bonus for these products compared to your own. If you’re unsure about this, ask your product creator if you’re able to add a bonus to their system for ease of downloading from your customers, they may be able to accommodate you. 

Testing And Tracking Every Part Of Your Sales Page

The one thing you really need to know is that a sales page up and running is better than never having one up and running. Don’t allow the idea of testing and tracking every part of your sales page to deter you from getting sales pages up for each of your offers. Get them up, and then start working on improving them through testing and tracking. 

  • Headlines – For every sales page you create, try writing down at least 20 to 50 headlines so that you can perfect them. Out of the brainstorming session, choose three to five to test using multivariant or A/B testing.

  • Call to Action – The same thing needs to be said about your calls to action. You’ll want to test out three to five different CTAs to find out what will work best for your audience. The more time you spend brainstorming your CTAs, the better the ones that you test will be.

  • Video Versus No Video – Does your audience like video on your sales pages, or do they prefer it without? You don’t know if you don’t test. Try running two versions of your sales page that are identical except including a short video at the top of one and don’t include one on the other. Which sells more?

  • Graphics – The graphics you use are very important too. Which graphics, such as buy boxes, buttons, lines, and colors, does your audience react to more? Do they like a large buy button or a smaller one?

  • Buy Box Information – The forms you create and the buy box you insert into your sales page should be exactly what your audience needs to encourage them to buy. How much information can you get away with collecting at the time of sale? Do they prefer checkmarks, or do they prefer another method of adding to the cart?

  • Payment Methods – If you have access to more than one payment method such as Amazon.com, Paypal.com, Stripe.com, and others, you should include them all to find out which one your audience is more likely to use to pay you? You may be surprised that all your audience isn’t using PayPal.com.

  • Price Points – Test out higher price points, as well as pay your own price ideas, monthly payments, and so forth: the more pricing methods and points you can test, the better. The truth is that this is one time that offering as many methods as possible increases sales over just allowing one way.

  • Product Name – Test out different names for your main product too. It’s amazing how one word can make all the difference when it comes to your audience understanding the solution they’re going to purchase and feeling safe to do so.

  • Traffic Sources – Knowing where your traffic originated is fundamental because you can then do more to get more traffic if you know you’re deficient in some areas and doing better in others.

  • Views – How many people come to your page and view it compared to other times when you’re not promoting anything?

  • New Visitors Versus Return Visitors – How many of your visitors are returning versus how many are original? When you get a new visitor, what do they do differently than a returning visitor once they come to your landing page?

  • Bounce Rate – A critical value is the bounce rate; this is how many people don’t view the site but click through and then leave immediately. This can be reduced by matching up inconsistencies in copy and targeting.

  • Time on Page – How long your visitors are spending on the page is indicative of whether they’re consuming the information you’re providing to them.

  • Conversion Rate – Out of your visitors, how many make a purchase or download the freebie?

  • Conversion Value – How much is your average sale at checkout?

  • Abandonment – How many visitors read the page, and then abandon it without buying, or even put things in their cart and don’t finish the purchase?

  • Cost Per Conversion – How much does it cost you for each lead to convert to a customer and purchase or download something? This is a figure you need as it will inform your marketing budget.

Creating a sales page that makes sales requires that you know your audience, understand your products and solutions, and your costs. Then you simply need to set up testing and tracking so that you can tweak and improve over time. Get it up, try out different versions, and then tweak and repeat. Over time you’ll start producing more effective sales pages for each new product due to your testing and tracking. 

How to Improve Your Side Hustle Marketing - Part Three

Tighten Up Your Backend 

What Is The Backend Of Your Business? 

The backend of your business is just as important as the front end and, in fact, maybe more so. After all, the better you delight your customers, the higher your sales will be without having to chase down new customers. Not only that, turning your customers into brand advocates as you thrill and delight them will send your business into the next stratosphere. 

Your Backend is Out of Sight

The back end of your business consists of the things that are done out of sight from your customers. Functionality such as marketing and promotions, accounting and finance, human resources, technology, partnerships, and more all run without your customers really being aware of it. It’s all the stuff that keeps your business going. Your autoresponder, your payment methods, your landing page technology, and so forth all run behind the scenes and create a very powerful transformative experience. It’s also your marketing funnel and your plans for implementation.

It Cost More to Get a New Customer 

It costs a lot more money to attract new customers than it cost for you to start marketing to the customers you’ve already drawn. Because of this, using your back-end technology to set up autoresponders promoting the next product or new products is an excellent way to boost your income with less work and spending less money. 

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It’s Harder to Make the First Sale 

One of the reasons it costs more to get a new customer is that you have to guide them through the entire buying journey using content marketing to inform, educate, and engage with them over a long period of time. They say that it takes at least eight touchpoints for any business to transform a lead, to a prospect, and finally convert them into a customer. Once someone is a customer, they already have most of their protection mechanisms lowered and will be much more likely to take your offers fast.

Focus on Both

The truth is you need to focus on your front end and your back end. When a customer arrives at your sales page and buys your front-facing offer and gets on your list now, it’s up to you to focus on the back end, making repeat sales, making new offers, asking for and using feedback to improve your relationship build brand advocacy and increase the lifetime value of your customers. 

Now it’s time to think about what you can do to increase engagement, sales, and advocacy after you make the first sale. After your customers become customers, it’s time to work on retention, delight, and advocacy, and you can do all of that using your autoresponder along with some fantastic offers, whether your own products or affiliate products that you know they need. 

What Bump Offers & One Time Offers Can Do For Your Income

As you work on improving your back end, one way to do that is to add more bump offers (order bumps) and one-time offers. Not only will these types of offers help you build a longer-lasting relationship with your customers, but it will also improve your income exponentially. Most marketers selling information products, content, and so forth tend to make more money on the back end than they do on the initial sale. 

Want Fries with That?

You know how if you go to the hamburger joint, you’ll be offered other things to go with whatever you order. The reason they do this is that studies show making an additional offer right at the time of the sale is more likely to be answered in the affirmative, which will increase your overall price for every checkout. This type of offer is only made at the point of sale and not after the purchase has been finished. 

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Do You Fear Missing Out?
Another sales tactic that works is using human nature to encourage more sales. Marketers call this ‘FOMO’ which means, ‘The fear of missing out.’  Using your back-end technology as well as the products and services you already offer, you can always add an OTO to every single product you sell at the point of check out or right after they check out. By doing so, you’ll increase your check-out average sales, and of course, that means you’ll make even more money. 

Order Bumps or Bump Offers

One way to accomplish using your back end to boost sales is to set up order bumps for every single front-facing product you sell on a sales page. You can use the technology you use for downloading products and delivering them to make it automatic. 

You can set it up so that when your customer clicks a product they want to buy, adding it to their cart, the system pops up and recommends adding products to the cart that somehow relate to the product they ordered. For example, if you sell baking supplies and your customer orders flour, you can recommend additions like vanilla extract or baking soda. 

One Time Offers (OTO) 

This type of offer you’re likely familiar with. The way it works is that your customer orders something from you from a sales page that you marketed to them. Perhaps it’s an information product PDF download, and you have three checklists, spreadsheets, or cheat sheets that would help the buyer implement the information product easier, to offer them. 

You can use the shopping cart technology to either give them the option right there via a popup, or you can email them the offer after they’ve completed their purchase based on the investment. Make it time-limited and really do stick to offering it only one time for that original purchase. 

As you brainstorm ideas, remember to look for easy to create products. For example, you can easily create checklists, cheat sheets, and spreadsheets from private label rights content to add as a bump offer or an OTO. Likewise, the products you use for these offers can also be products you’ve created yourself. You can even make a total affiliate offer this way if you have the right technology. Figure out how you can do it with what you have right now. Experiment with adding easy PDF downloadable products that add value to your existing products and services as bump offers and as OTOs. Monitor your success to find out if it works for you to improve your income. 

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You Do Have A Follow-Up Autoresponder, Right?

When it comes to keeping customers happy, one of the best ways to do so is to stay in touch with them regularly. The best way to do that is via email. Email marketing is still the most effective form of marketing that has ever existed, with most marketers reporting more than $40 earnings on every dollar spent. 


One of the most useful technologies you have in your back end is your autoresponder. An autoresponder is your email marketing software. Autoresponders enable you to schedule follow up emails to send to your list members and customers based on how you segment the members of your list, which is based on their behavior. 


For every single product, service, and freebie that you offer, you need to send a follow-up email series that you load into your autoresponder to be delivered to the right people at the right time. When you set the email series up, it’ll be delivered the moment they pay for the product or download the freebie. This is how you will nurture your customer or list member to engage with you, join you on social media, buy from you again, and even become a brand advocate. It all depends on what you want to accomplish.


When someone buys or downloads something from you and is now on your email list, you need to immediately deliver a series of follow up messages to them in the form of several emails sent out about one per day. Base the series on the exact audience member that you want to nurture based on what they bought or downloaded.


Create a series of follow up email messages that:


  • Nurture the Leads You Get from Your Freebie

  • Nurture the Lead You Gained from a Random Website Visitor

  • Nurture the Leads Generated from a Specific Guest Post

  • Nurture the Customer Who Purchased Product A

  • Encourage Buyers of Product A to Convert to Buyers of Product B

  • Encourage Specific Members of Your List to Engage with You on A Social Platform

  • Send an Onboarding Sequence

  • Offer Supportive Information to Shopping Cart Abandons to Encourage Finishing Purchase

  • Create Follow Up Sequences for Everything

  • Create Renewal Sequences if Your Product is Renewable

  • Set Up Educational Sequences When You Want to Teach Something New


To make any email sequence truly perform at its best, you must differentiate between transactional follow-up messages and the rest of the messages. Transactional messages are sent directly after the customer buys from you, or the lead downloads a freebie and gets added to your email list. These are the messages that are most likely to be opened because your customer needs the information so they can access their purchase or the freebie they wanted. 


Make the most of the transactional emails you send because you can use it to explain how to get their purchase, but you can also tell them what to expect from you regarding email messages. Make it worth their while to want to open them by telling them about the unannounced offers you send in email, the educational benefit of opening your emails, and more. Set them up from the first email for success, and you won’t regret it.  You only need about 7 to 12 follow up messages in each sequence that you create, but it will make all the difference. Your systems and processes will make sales for you and transform your audience into brand advocates in a hands-off way once you set it up. Nothing could be better than that. 


Not Everything In Your Backend Has To Be Your Own Products 


One thing is clear about selling information products and other types of content as a business – not only can no one get enough; you can never have enough products or services to satisfy everyone. After all, you’re just one person (or two at the most if you work with partners). 


When it comes to filling up your back end with upsells, one time offers, order bumps, and so forth, one thing that will help you is to realize that you don’t have to use only your own products you can promote someone else’s product as an affiliate. 


While it’s great for you to have more products to sell, adding other people’s products to your product catalog is very lucrative too. In fact, some people never create their own products. They only promote other people. 


What Is an Affiliate?


An affiliate is a salesperson for a brand or product. They earn commission on each sale that they make and often work as an affiliate for a variety of brands and products. When you are an affiliate marketer, you will search for and locate products and services that your ideal audience will love to use. You will tell them about it when they make a purchase. You get a small percentage of sales. The commission that you earn can range from as little as a few percent to even 100 percent. 


Find the Right Affiliate Products to Promote


The biggest job you have as an affiliate marketer is to find the right products that your audience needs to promote. You’ll want to consider how much commission you receive for each sale, what type of customer care the creator offers buyers and other information that ensures you that your customers will be well cared for, after all, once you send them to someone else they become that person’s customer too. 


Try the Products First


With few exceptions, you should buy and try the product before you recommend it to someone else. You will discover a lot more about the product creator by doing it this way. You’ll see how their check out process works; you’ll know what the product looks like when you download it. You’ll see the nitty-gritty details that only a buyer will understand. This means it’ll be easier to create bonus offers and also to know where this product fits in with your buyers and your business. 


Be Creative About Promoting Affiliate Offers


When you do use affiliate products to promote to your customers and list members on the back end, be creative about how you promote these products. You can work an affiliate offer into a one-time offer, a bump offer, an upsell, an add-on, and a bonus offer depending on your relationship with the creator as well as the technology you employ. Sometimes the easiest way to offer the product is via an email marketing sequence or via a transactional email or download page. Adding affiliate products as part of any follow-up sequence is also a no-brainer. 


By finding well-made products to promote that other people created and that you will earn a commission from is honestly the best of both worlds. You can fill in the gaps of information you offer with affiliate offers and then create more products that sort of build off each other, whether they’re someone else’s products or yours. 

How to Improve Your Side Hustle Marketing - Part Two

As you set up more entry points for your funnel and start building your list, you’ll need to monitor a few different metrics to ensure that what you’re doing works, as well as to find ways to improve. Two parameters to look for when it comes to your email list are open email rates and email link click-through rates

An open means that your list member opened the email to consume the content. A click-through means that the list member not only opened the email and read it but also clicked a link that you provided to them. 

To monitor open rates and click-through rates, you’ll need to check your autoresponder directions, but more than likely, you can find this information within the dashboard or back office of your system.

One thing to note about click-through rates is that you need to allow the autoresponder system to insert tracking on your links so that you can track that option. This is usually automatic simply by checking a box permitting them to track your links. You don’t have to do anything special to monitor open email rates as that knowledge is already available to you through your autoresponder dashboard or back-office, depending on your system.  

Know the Industry Averages 

Do some research on your industry to find out what the open rates and click-through rates are typically for this type of product or service. You can also look at your autoresponder service’s benchmark information to find out how your numbers match up to what they say is the average. You want to shoot for average at least or above-average results. 

Know Your Numbers 

Regardless of what the industry averages are, you need to know your own numbers for open rates and click-through rates. You can gather that information by using your autoresponder dashboard. Make sure you implement link tracking in your email messages for the best results. Each system works slightly differently, so always look for the directions. 

Learn Tips and Tricks to Improve

Your autoresponder likely gives you tips to improve your email marketing. They want you to succeed. Go through the training they provide and use some of the information to improve your open rates and click-through rates. Focus on subject lines, segmenting your audience correctly, and including the right calls to action for the person who is consuming the email message. 

Monitor Stats Regularly 

Set up a schedule to monitor these metrics at a minimum of monthly but also before, during, and after any marketing campaigns or launches. When you notice an opportunity to improve your results, take the time to implement them. Don’t skip doing the essential things because every single tweak you make will add up.

Monitor, Improve, Repeat

As you move along in your marketing campaigns, building your funnel, and working on pleasing your ideal customer, you’ll want to use the information you learn from monitoring these metrics to do a better job targeting your ideal audience based on their intent for wanting the information you’re providing. It’s a work in progress and will not be perfect ever because everything keeps changing. Your job is to monitor, tweak, improve, and repeat. 

he more you focus on what’s important regarding your metrics, the more you’ll be able to reach and please your ideal customer. 

Ask Your Readers What They Want To Hear About (Or Need Help With) 

t’s probably becoming clear to you that to help your audience, you need to create products, information, and content that they want to use and to hear about or information that solves their problems. Anytime you need inspiration for content or product development, the best thing to do is ask your readers. 

To find out what your audience wants, you’ll have to ask them. Here are four ways to ask your audience what they want.

Send Out a Survey via Email 

Make it a habit to automatically survey anyone who comes to your list. You’ll need different surveys based on their entry point because a survey to someone who bought product A will be different from someone who purchased product D or who joined your email list due to downloading a freebie or joined due to a blog post they read. 

Host a Q & A Webinar or Live Event 

If you do have a good following hosting a live event online is a fabulous way to create buzz, spread brand awareness, build your email list, and more. But you can also use this format to engage with your readers to find out what they really want and need from you. Promote your webinar by running retargeting or remarketing ads on Facebook or other social media providers and announce it via email and on your website to get more people to participate. 

Ask for Their Questions on Social Media 

You can also simply ask your audience to submit their questions to you on your most active social media platforms. For example, ask your readers to submit questions to you on Instagram, Facebook, or “below” in your YouTube videos. Collect the questions and answer them one at a time to create more content but also let their questions guide your product creation too. You may notice gaps in education or a need you didn’t notice before by allowing and encouraging them to ask more questions. 

Call Your Customers

This may make you nervous, but giving your customers a quick call no matter how much or little they spent can garner a lot of information that you can use to develop more products as well as content for marketing and educational purposes. You can set this up by offering a free 15 discovery call to your site visitors, but you can also simply give your customers a quick phone call to say thanks. You may be shocked at what you can learn with this one simple method. 

When you ask your audience, sometimes you’ll receive information from them that is not useful; that’s okay. Not everyone is really your ideal audience, even if they’re on your email list. However, most of the time when you proactively engage with your audience and ask questions, while actually listening to them, you will gain insight into your ideal audience which is going to inform your next products, the content you create to market those products, and how you engage with them. 

Calculating What Your Subscribers Are Worth 

You may feel as if you’re in the dark sometimes when you have an online business that relies on email and content marketing to get the word out about your products and services. However, the truth is, you have even more power over your marketing and product creation than ever before because you can calculate what your subscribers are worth on average, which is going to inform the marketing methods you deploy as well as how much you spend developing the products. 

Knowing your email subscriber value is a critical piece of knowledge that can help you make smart decisions.

To figure out how much your subscribers are worth you’ll need to gather the following information:

How Many Subscribers Do You Have? 

Before you count your entire list, make sure you clean up your email list first. If you have people on that list who have not opened your emails for the last 120 days, don’t count them. Only count your active average opens as your list number. You may have 100K people on your list, but if only 10K regularly open the messages, then you should only count the 10K. 

Know Your Revenue Numbers for the Last Period 

This can be tricky if you’ve not been in business very long. The best figure to use is the last year or an average of the years you’ve been in business. These numbers are only estimating, but they will help you make better decisions about your expenses, nonetheless. So, if due to emails you sent out, you made $50,000 during the period in question write that down. Don’t count sales that happened using other methods, only due to an email you sent.

Then You Divide

Now that you have your numbers determined, you can figure out about what your subscribers are worth. 

The formula is: Revenue During the Period Divided by The Number of Subscribers. 

For example, let’s say that you have a list of 20,000 subscribers (after cleaning the list), and you earned $50,000 during the period you’ve chosen. Now you just plug in the numbers to the right place. $50,000/20,000 subscribers equal $2.50 dollars value per subscriber. That means every single subscriber you earn is worth about $2.50 each period. So, if your revenues were from the last 120 days, you can potentially make that every 120 days, but if it was based on a year or an average of years, consider it potential annual earnings.  

This information will help you make better choices when it comes to cash flow predictions, determining how much you can spend to get a new customer, how much you can afford to market, and more. Knowing your subscriber value will inform your product creation budget as well. Plus, you can use that number to invest in raising that number. Maybe you need to sell more products, or charge a higher rate, or send out more offers. Either way, you’ll have a lot more information to help you improve your email marketing campaigns. 


How to Improve Your Side Hustle Marketing - Part One

How Small Tweaks Can Lead To Big Profit 

When it comes to marketing your digital business online, whether you sell services or products, you can fine-tune your marketing so that you get more done with less. You can automate some of your work, outsource other work while optimizing whatever you do to work the best it can. 

Improving your SEO, crafting compelling headlines, understanding how your marketing funnel and product funnel work, and setting up automation will make a lot of difference in your profitability as well as your feelings about your business.

After all, you’re probably like most of us. You’re in business to gain more time-freedom so that you can have more balance in your life. You want to raise your kids, build a home, and have fun too – all without worrying about money all the time. Thankfully, you really can do that with the right online business today. What’s more, is you do not have to reinvent the wheel. You can do what works for thousands of others and get amazing results. 

In this blog series on improving your side hustle marketing, you’re going to learn how to make small changes that add up to significant results. You learn how to fine-tune your funnels, tighten up your backend, improve all your offers (and come up with more), plus learn how to do all this by setting it up once and earning again and again from the effort. 

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Anything you want to accomplish in life starts with one small step. It might be to drink a green smoothy each morning, it might be to walk for 20 minutes a day on your treadmill, or it might be to load a series of emails into an autoresponder so that it delivers to anyone who signs up based on their behavior. Whatever you do, it’s going to build one thing on top of the other and lead to more success.

One small change will ensure that you are rewarded, but a series of small changes will explode your business exponentially. But you do have to do something. Passive income isn’t automatic until you set it up. As you go through this challenge, take advantage of learning how to do this from someone who already has done it. Implement the ideas, then track and measure your success. Success is truly about doing the small things that lead to bigger things. Break up your tasks into small chunks so that you can get it done in a short period. You don’t have to do all of this in 30 days. However, you should at least schedule the idea into your calendar so that it will happen. You do what you make time for, and if you make time for the ideas in this challenge, you will be successful. 

Let me know how it goes for you. I want to know what works, what doesn’t work, and what you’d add once you learn. Let’s get started!

What’s A Funnel And Map Out What You Already Have 

Even if you haven’t purposely created a funnel, you may already have one. However, if you haven’t planned it, you may have serious gaps which will cause you to lose money. 

What is a Funnel?

A funnel is simply a representation of how you attract a lead, turn them into a prospect, and finally, a customer. It’s a process of gaining awareness, enticing them to sign up for your lists, and then nurturing the relationship so that they become lifelong customers. The reason we use a funnel to represent this is that it starts out wide at the top and gets smaller at the bottom, demonstrating visually the amount of content and information you’ll need to provide to get to the next level. There are many ways you can set this up, but most of them follow the same trajectory. The entire point of the funnel is to provide a process to acquire leads, teach the leads about you and your solutions, and eventually sell your product. 

Funnel Example

You can set up funnels for almost any goal you’ve set for yourself and your business. But the best way for you to understand what a funnel looks like is to think of the image of a funnel, with the widest part at the top and the narrowest at the bottom. The idea is that you must do a lot more to attract people and to get awareness than you do to encourage advocacy after the conversion.

  • Awareness – At the top and widest part of the funnel is where you will plan how to attract, inform, and educate people who are basically strangers about your brand and solutions. You can use search engine optimization, blogging, social media, and other methods to accomplish this part of the funnel.

  • Consideration – At this point, you’ve found some leads and how you need to qualify them with your calls to action, landing pages, personalization, and nurturing. At this point, you may want to provide white pages, comparison charts, and other information that helps them choose between you and your competition.

  • Conversion – Once you’ve got someone to answer your CTA, that is considered a conversion. It may be that someone downloaded a freebie, or it may be that they become a paying customer, it depends on your conversion goal. The truth is, when you nurture your leads, you’ll get far more sales than if you don’t set up a plan.

  • Loyalty and Advocacy – After the conversion is when the real job to please, excite, and motivate your audience comes into play. Those who have converted should be segmented into the type of conversion they made, whether it was to download a freebie (lead) or it was to buy something from you (customer). Once this happens, you can work on making them feel loyal to your brand, so they’ll keep buying but also so that they become brand advocates and help you make more sales.

A funnel is essentially a way to show the process of attracting your target audience, proving to them that you are offering a valuable solution for their problems, and then converting them to buy from you. Additionally, the funnel will help you delight your customers after conversion if you take the time to map out what you have, fill in, and fix the holes in your funnel. Match the products, content, and information you already have to the categories above. 

Finding And Fixing The Holes In Your Funnel 

Once you realize the importance of a funnel and map out what you already have, you can start to fix any holes you have in your funnel. A hole in your funnel will cause you to lose list members, lose sales, and can even cause you to send the wrong messages to the wrong audience at the wrong time. 

Mapping out your funnel and developing a plan of action based on your funnel will make a massive difference in your success. Once you do this process, you’ll know what you need to plug the leaks and improve your process and system.

Mapping your funnel is all about noting your traffic sources, stages of your funnel, entry points, customer touchpoints, landing pages, and much more. As you go through this process, it’ll become a lot clearer. 

  • Develop Customer Personas Based on the Buying Journey – You should have a customer persona or client avatar for each type of audience member you want to attract. Base it on their intent at the time, which is determined by their place in the buying journey.

  • Create a List of All Your Products and Services – All your products and services should have their own individual landing pages. Every landing page you have is known as a potential customer entry point or touchpoint. Create a spreadsheet that allows you to quickly grab the links for each of your product or service landing pages—note who the product or service is meant for and the problems it solves.

  • Create a List of All Your Freebies and Lead Magnets – You will also have several freebies or lead magnets. These also need their own landing pages, which qualifies them as entry points or customer touchpoints too. Note who each of these freebies is meant for, the problems they solve, and the goal you had for creating it.

  • Create a List of All Your Content Marketing Materials – Match the content you’ve created to the various categories above. Note what stage in the funnel the content is meant for and where it’s being used, such as email nurturing, blog posts, guest posts, email sequences, social media memes, and posts, or other types of content. Within the spreadsheet, add links to the content if it’s public-facing. If it’s an email autoresponder series or other content that is not public-facing, link to it in your file storage system so you can find the content for easily updating or sharing when needed.

  • Use Tools to Create and Visualize Your Funnel – It’s always easier to map your funnel with a visual aid. Funnels really do need a visual mechanism to make it more clear in your mind. Thankfully, you can use software like Canva.com, or you can use software like Mindmeister.com to help you draw it out visually.

Once you have this information collected, you’ll be able to ensure that all your links work, that the content you’re using to market fits the situation, and visualize any missing components needed within your funnel to meet your goals. 

Branching Out - How Can You Reach More People And Get Them Into Your Funnel 

Once you’ve mapped your funnel, you should now know exactly how many entry points or customer touchpoints you offer. By mapping each of those touchpoints to the exact ideal customer you want to attract, you can start to notice where you can create even more entry points for your customers. Here are a few ideas for creating more entry points. Remember, an entry point is a way of attracting leads and turning them into prospects or customers. 

For example, if you publish a blog post meant for creating awareness. Within that blog post, you offer a PDF download in exchange for an email address to a website visitor who is a stranger to you, you’ve turned that lead into a prospect that you can nurture via email, social media, and other methods by merely getting them to sign up for your email list even though they’ve never paid for anything you’ve recommended.  

Likewise, the stranger may have come to the blog post, and then decided to click through to your paid product offer and purchase it. Now they’re a customer. Both are valid entry points into your funnel, but they’ll be treated differently based on how they entered your funnel. 

The prospect will be nurtured and encouraged to buy a product or use a service depending on the entry point they used. At the same time, the customer will be welcomed and nurtured to encourage brand loyalty and advocacy, also based on the product they purchased, but will also be encouraged to buy more products and tell their friends about you. 

Creating more entry points to your funnel will result in higher sales and more customer satisfaction. Add these entry points to your funnel to create more opportunities for your audience to get in your funnel. 

  • In-Content PDF Downloads – This is a great way to add an entry point to your funnel almost any place that you publish content, whether it’s a blog post, a syndicated article, a guest post, or a private email. An in-content download that requires an email address to download can be a simple eBook, report, article, chart, whitepaper, or other downloadable type of content that solves a problem and tickles their curiosity.

  • Lead Magnets – You’re likely familiar with the handy freebie that is designed to transform your site visitor into a member of your email list. You can promote this type of freebie through a landing page, but also add it as a downloadable link within the content.

  • Entry-Level Low-Cost Products – Some people don’t consider paid products to be useful as list builders, but they really are. A low-cost product can make a big difference to some types of buyers. Some people trust low-cost products more than freebies. These can be offered via a landing page right on a blog post that explains the problem.

  • Gated Content and Information – Anytime you add content that requires an email address to consume it, that is “gated content.” The types of information you can gate is literally any content you create if you choose. You can offer a sneak peek then require every person who wants to consume your content to sign in free. Conversely, you can select some content for the gate and leave some open.

  • Sales Pages – A sales page is used to sell a visitor on a product or service. Usually, the sales page assumes that the visitor is a stranger and works toward educating and persuading the visitor to buy the item recommended. Every product you create needs a sales page. This type of page usually includes long-form copy and tons of information.

  • Landing Pages – These types of pages can promote a product, a freebie, a service, or just give guidance to the visitor about the website they’re visiting and help send them in the right direction, but it also always offers a way to sign up for the newsletter either through a freebie download or simply by promoting how to find out more. You should create a new landing page, for example, for every single place you guest post or publish content so that the visitors from that place feel welcomed and heard.

  • Squeeze Page – This is sort of like a sales page, but it’s concise and assumes that the person going to the page already understands why they’re going to it. It’s short and to the point and only contains information about the offer toward the prospects who visit the page.

  • Opt-in Page – Every single page that we’ve mentioned here is an opt-in page. Whether it’s a sales page, webinar signs up, or other, it’s considered an opt-in page if it has a way to “opt-in” for information, services, products, or solutions.

As you create more entry points into your funnel, placement will make a big difference too. You’ll want entry points on your sidebar, in headers of posts, at the end of posts, within posts, on triggered pop ups or pop unders, and more. The form of the entry point or opt-in page will be determined by the audience you’re targeting and where they came from to find you. If you ensure that each entry point is offered at the right place within the buying journey based on the goals you’ve set, you’ll be successful. 

How to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Negative thinking is a habit. All habits, good and bad, can be made or broken in about twenty-one days. Consistently taking the right steps can break a bad habit or create a new one. When it comes to negative thinking, it can be hard to break the habit if it’s been your go-to most of your life. Like any bad habit, it will feel awkward to act differently in the beginning, but over time the new normal will become second nature.

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Breaking the cycle of negative thinking doesn’t require an excessive number of steps. You can focus on three steps over and over again and get positive results. The simple steps are 

  1. Capture the thought

  2. Challenge the thought

  3. Replace the thought

Step 1. Capture negative thoughts- Self-awareness is key to change negative thinking. Becoming aware of the exact thoughts that start running through your mind is the first step to changing them. For example, if you tend to say “that was stupid of me” or “I’m an idiot” when you blunder or make a mistake, you are labelling yourself stupid or idiotic which is extremely negative. No one can hurt our esteem better than we can. Capture that thought and recognize its toxicity. Acknowledge that you are thinking something negative.

Step 2. Challenge the thought- Once you catch yourself in the act of thinking something negative, it’s time to challenge the thought. Speak to yourself in a healthy way, the way you might a best friend or colleague. Offer a kinder gentler thought instead. If you find that you might speak the same way to a friend or colleague, that’s an indicator that you may need some professional help overcoming a negative mindset. Assuming you have more compassion for others than you may for yourself, challenging the thought should be easier.

Ask yourself if you truly are stupid or an idiot? Likely not. Likely you realize you’ve made a mistake or perhaps even were foolish or careless. Instead of blame consider this misstep an opportunity to learn. 


Step 3. Replace the thought-
Once you’ve identified the thought and held it captive and challenged it, it’s time to replace it. Retrain your brain to think new thoughts that are not abrasive. Instead of saying in your mind “that was stupid of me” consider saying “I wish I would have done that differently.” Instead of thinking “I’m an idiot” try “Oh boy, I don’t want to do that again!” Simply rephrasing the reaction can help create a more positive way of handling a blunder. Instead of shame and condemnation there’s room for recovery from a mistake and possibly some humor.

Do these steps each time you find yourself thinking something negative about yourself. Having compassion and kindness for yourself can allow you to be human and make mistakes while improving and living a more positive life.

The Difference Between "Strength" and "Passion"

When it comes to strengths, they aren’t the same as passions. Strengths are attributes that each of us has that come easily and may set us apart or give us an advantage. Passion is a focus of energy into an activity that goes well beyond what is usually required. Strengths pertain more to abilities while passions are associated with interests.

You Can Have Strengths that aren’t Passions

You can have abilities and strengths that aren’t passions. You may be extremely organized but have no passion for organization. For some, being organized is simply utilitarian. You can also find the chemistry of cooking very easy but prefer to get take-out. Every tall person doesn’t want to play basketball and so on.

You Can Have Passions that don’t Include your Strengths

Sometimes our passions don’t include our strengths. We may be passionate about dance but have two left feet. We could be intrigued and love art but have no ability to draw. Passions don’t require perfection as much as they require interest. Sometimes our strengths develop when we pursue our passions out of the exposure that comes from engaging in a passion project. You may be able to learn to draw as you dive deeper into your love for art.    

Sometimes Passions and Strengths Collide

Sometimes we breath the rare air where our passions, talents, and strengths combine. This is the zone of genius we learned about earlier in this series. Under these circumstances our passions jive with our skill sets and we can wonderfully, effortlessly, and seamlessly create or engage in the things we are passionate about.

Pursue Passions and Strengths Equally

Even though passions and strengths are not the same, they deserve to be pursued and celebrated equally. Considering what strengths you have and choosing to maximize them and play them to your advantage is smart, but it’s equally important to pursue your passions whether they encompass all of your strengths or not. 

Your strengths and your passions add to your personal enjoyment in life and your self-esteem. Doing things that come easily or building a life and career around things you do well… and are passionate about, is ideal. This is a true form of working smarter, not harder. In the end, if you focus on doing things you love, whether you are great at them or not, you’ll increase your overall satisfaction in life reducing depression, anxiety, and increasing your sense of personal satisfaction.