Can Introverts be Social…And Do They Want to Be?
There are a lot of misconceptions about introverts. At the top of the list is a false belief that introverts are shy or have social anxiety. Of course, that may be true for certain people but for the most part, being an introvert has nothing to do with shyness or being anxious around others.
The ratio of introverts to extroverts is 1 to 3 so most people are extroverts who thoroughly thrive in the presence of high-energy companies and live in group settings. For introverts, being in large groups for too long can cause exhaustion. Thatís because introverts gather their energy by being alone and express it by being with others; whereas extroverts need companionship to feel their best.
So, the question is can introverts be social…and do they want to be? The answer, of course, is absolutely YES! Introverts are social beings and rely on the community for many of the same reasons their counterpart extroverts do, just in a different way.
Introverts can and actually do enjoy being social in the right conditions
Introverts are introspective which means they process internally. They tend to be highly self-aware and excellent observers. They can read a room and recognize the dynamics at play quickly. Being this aware can be draining and sometimes the overload of outside information wears them out. Thatís why though they do enjoy being social, their threshold is lower for how much and how long they tend to be in crowds.
Most introverts like being anonymous in a crowd. It’s oftentimes fun to be out and about or attending a function without having to engage multiple people. They like the activity or the action of the event, but donít need constant connection with others at the same time.
When attending parties, it works well for introverts to attend smaller get-togethers with fewer people than they likely know well. Most introverts arenít great at small talk and avoid chatting on the phone or having a light conversation. This can make them appear shy or aloof and often misunderstood.
Introverts want to be social, but they also want to be alone
One of the best attributes of being an introvert is the ability to entertain oneself or enjoy the solitude that might cause depression in an extrovert. This can make it hard for introverts to take the step out the door to be more social. It can literally be a push/pull situation to try to leave the house and meet someone for coffee or a movie since introverts are drawn to staying home where they are most comfortable.
Reading this post, you may be well aware of who the introverts are in your life or you may be having a serious a-ha moment. You might even recognize yourself in the description and feel seen for the first time. The bottom line is, introverts are social, and they do desire to be with other people, they simply use different scenarios to get there.
Extroverts Get Their Energy from Being Social
Extroverts are natural-born socialites. They are energized and become enthusiastic by being with others. Not much makes them happier than having a social schedule filled with group activities that include chatting, engaging lots of people, and being in a crowd.
Extroverts lose their energy being alone. They often times feel isolated, bored, and underwhelmed when they arenít connecting with other people. Being alone too long can cause depression from the lack of companionship and socialization.
Extroverts naturally gravitate to careers where they are part of a team and work in groups. They love customer service and thrive wherever there are lots of people.
Extroverts get along with a wide variety of people
Since extroverts love being social, they tend to have excellent communication skills which works well when dealing with a variety of people. This can help enrich their social lives as they have a broader range of friends than introverts might have. Having more people to choose from can lead to more variety when it comes to your social calendar.
Extroverts love meeting new people and tend to be great cheerleaders. They are often encouraging and truly interested in what other people are doing. This helps break the ice when meeting new people and helps them build friendships easily.
Extroverts adapt well to new situations
Extroverts love adventure which makes them excellent at trying new things socially. This makes it especially easy to create a happier, healthier social life. Since extroverts donít have any problem diving right in and doing something new, they often thrive on trying something out of the box or unusual.
Extroverts are ideal candidates for joining groups where they may not already know someone. They wonít be lonely for long and before you know it, they will have a whole new group of friends.
Whereas introverts prefer to do things solo and get overwhelmed by large groups, extroverts rely on group experiences to build their energy up and keep it going. When it comes to socialization, extroverts may have the advantage over introverts because there is a wider range of options to find a social circle.
If youíre an extrovert thereís is wonderful news for you when it comes to creating your ideal social life. You can expect to find meaningful social opportunities with relative ease. Youíll also likely discovers a wider variety of appealing people to meet and places to go.
Top Tips for Being Social- When Youíd Rather Stay Home
One thing that competes with the desire to be social is the lure of staying home. Introverts and extroverts both struggle with the push/pull that comes from wanting to be social but also wanting to stay home and do things that feel cozy and comfortable.
When our schedules are busy, staying home can feel like a luxury. Being social can feel like a burden or, at the very least, something on the long list of things to do. Thatís not what being social is meant to feel like. Here are some top tips for being social- when youíd rather stay home.
Top-tip: Build rest time into your day- If you are going to be out and about for something social, build rest into your schedule. Add time prior to your event to take a nap, get ready, or take a break before having to leave the house. Protect your schedule so you donít overbook when you know youíve got something to do.
Top-tip: Just do it- Like Nike says, just doing itÖgetting up and going, even when you feel like staying home, can actually be energizing. Sometimes the idea of staying home feels like it is easier or more fun, but you realize when you start having fun being social that it was worth the effort, and youíre glad you did it.
Top-tip: Make it easy- Being organized at home can make it easier to be social. If you have to work too hard to get ready and get out of the door it can make you want to skip being social entirely. Having a clean home, clean clothes, and less chaos at home will make it easier to be social.
Top-tip: Stay home- Sometimes you need to listen to your intuition and just stay home. If youíve been too busy lately or simply have no interest in social activity, just skip out. There are times when your subconscious knows whatís best. While you shouldnít blow off every social opportunity, sometimes staying home is exactly what you need to refresh and energize.
There ís something about getting home that makes us want to stay there. Cozy couches, Netflix, and unlimited snacks seem like a really good time. It can make it harder to be social. If you are longing to be with people but tend to resist leaving home, youíve got to push through the resistance and experience how fun being social is so you can routinely go out and have a great time.
Dos and Doníts for Introverts and Extroverts Who Socialize Together
Ratios tell us that for every three extroverts out there you can expect to encounter one introvert. That ratio means there is a lot of intro and extroverts out there co-mingling. While extroverts are out there trying to talk to everyone, the introverts are often hiding in corners looking pained or sitting on the couch looking disinterested. How are the two supposed to socialize?
It's pretty simple actually, though extroverts get energized by social engagement and introverts get drained by it, there is an intersection where both intro and extroverts cross and both can benefit and enjoy being social together. Here are some doís and doníts for introverts and extroverts who socialize together-
* Do read the room
* Do consider the time
* Do give people grace
* Doní’t make assumptions
* Don’t forget to let people have fun
* Don’t worry about it
Do- Pay attention to the chemistry and vibe: Introverts and extroverts are coming into a social situation with different experiences. Introverts know there is only a certain amount of time before they feel spent and overwhelmed while extroverts expect to feel more and more energized over the course of the gathering. Read each otherís chemistry and recognize when an introvert is beginning to lose interest or energy. Itís a great time to connect with someone else or have a more intimate conversation away from the crowd.
Do- Pay attention to the time: Time is everything when it comes to socializing and mixing intro and extroverts. The longer an event the more withdrawn or quiet introverts begin to feel. After a certain amount of time itís great for introverts to head home so the extroverts can burn the midnight oil or hang out as long as theyíd like. Instead of asking ìwhy are you going home so soon?î Simply allow the introverts an exit strategy.
Do- Remember people are only human: Socializing with intro and extroverts can be a challenge. Itís easy to read into each otherís behavior and make assumptions. Give people grace and realize that some people are quieter, and some are more boisterous and energized in public settings. Try not to get turned off by someoneís behavior simply because it may not match your own.
Donít- make assumptions about one another: Introverts and extroverts often feel misunderstood by one another. Introverts are oftentimes seen as aloof or disinterested while extroverts can be labeled loud and obnoxious. Usually, neither is true. It can be hard to manage two distinct personality types that get their energy in different ways. Donít judges too quickly and donít make negative assumptions about someone based on their intro or extroversion and youíll likely find there are plenty of things you have in common despite having different communication styles.
Donít- forget to let people do what they love: Trying to force introverts to be more social or trying to force an extrovert to sit still during a party isnít going to work. Itís important to let people do what they love. If someone wants to sit and people watch or explore on their own, thatís just as social as someone who wants to dance with everyone in the room. Let people have fun in the way that makes the most sense for them.
Donít- Forget people always find a way to socialize together: People always find a way to get along. Introvert will disengage when they start to feel overwhelmed or tired. Extroverts tend to seek out fellow extroverts so they can build on each otherís energy.
In the end, introverts and extroverts have been co-mingling at social events forever. They always find a way. The bottom line is to be aware of the cues that clue you into what someoneís personality is and try to accommodate them while staying true to who you are.
